I actually don't usually hold people to the "half your age plus seven" rule (not that anyone needs my permission anyway) and one of the reasons is the person I fell in love with when I was 18, one of the greatest strokes of luck in my life.
He's bit older than me, and the proportional difference was bigger when I was 18, but he's never bullied or derided me, or used my age as a weapon, or dismissed my interests, even when they were childish. He's never taken advantage of my lack of experience or knowledge. There are a thousand ways he could have hurt me when I was young and callow, and he didn't, and I'll always be grateful.
I think, in part because of his example, that someone dating someone at a great disadvantage to them, age or whatever else, needs to commit themself to being good for their SO, to not using the disadvanage against them, and to encouraging them to grow and develop. But.... I don't see much conversation about how people can be good for their SOs, and even less aimed towards men. The general attitude seems to be more about what people can get.
So yeah, I hold the brother up against my SO's example and find him extremely lacking, in a way which is sadly common.
I'm thinking about the advice given. I like the idea of trying to undercut the brother's terribleness with supportive friendship, but I don't know how effective it can be. No matter how nice my SO's sibling was to me I think I'd expect them to take their sibling's side in a breakup, and even moreso when I was young.
In which I talk about what I think about relationships
He's bit older than me, and the proportional difference was bigger when I was 18, but he's never bullied or derided me, or used my age as a weapon, or dismissed my interests, even when they were childish. He's never taken advantage of my lack of experience or knowledge. There are a thousand ways he could have hurt me when I was young and callow, and he didn't, and I'll always be grateful.
I think, in part because of his example, that someone dating someone at a great disadvantage to them, age or whatever else, needs to commit themself to being good for their SO, to not using the disadvanage against them, and to encouraging them to grow and develop. But.... I don't see much conversation about how people can be good for their SOs, and even less aimed towards men. The general attitude seems to be more about what people can get.
So yeah, I hold the brother up against my SO's example and find him extremely lacking, in a way which is sadly common.
I'm thinking about the advice given. I like the idea of trying to undercut the brother's terribleness with supportive friendship, but I don't know how effective it can be. No matter how nice my SO's sibling was to me I think I'd expect them to take their sibling's side in a breakup, and even moreso when I was young.