Daughter's boyfriend leaves handcuffs behind

[vass]

Dear Prudie,
My daughter was home for spring break and her somewhat older boyfriend came to visit for the first time. After he left, I found two pair of handcuffs next to where his luggage had been in the living room—obviously left behind. This man is not a policeman. While he seemed to treat my daughter well, I'm not sure what to do with these items, and the incident has left me with rather unpleasant feelings toward him. Do I send him a note thanking him for the interesting hostess gift? He is British, but I don't think their customs are that different. Do I mail them with a note: "I believe you left these behind?" Do I throw them out? I'm somewhat at a loss here. What would Prudie do?

—Nervous Mom

Dear Nerv,
A Brit, huh? Prudie is certain he was lovely, British, and tall. (A little in-joke for Prudie's regular readers.) But back to the handcuffs. The most unlikely possibility is that he escaped from a member of the United States Marshals Service on his way to the penitentiary. (OK, Prudie obviously watches Lost.) As to what you do, you do not thank him for the interesting hostess gift; you may throw them out if you wish. The best thing to do is ask your daughter if perhaps her houseguest left his handcuffs behind? If she says no, then throw them out. Prudie hopes she will laugh, feel embarrassed, and say they were just a joke. Handcuffed sex does not necessarily mean S&M. Calm yourself, my dear, until you come across a whip.

—Prudie, acceptingly

Comments

[amadi]

It's staggeringly rude, but it could very easily have been an accident of packing, especially if he was trying to determine the best place to stow the cuffs in a bag that was about to be x-rayed at an airport. (Kinky folks know that this can become an... issue.) I'm disinclined to presume malice considering that they were found where his luggage was, and not secreted into an unrelated spot, like under a sofa cushion or between towels in the linen closet.

I also agree that Prudie's line is arbitrary and frankly, insulting. What kink implements the writer's daughter is using is not something that's her mother's business. The beginning and end of legitimate inquiry into someone else's practices in this arena is "are you safe and is it consensual" and with no evidence to the contrary regarding either, then mom needs to butt out, potential financial support notwithstanding. (Though it would be fair to say "I'd prefer you not do this in my home.")