I'm not sure the DIL is being particularly stringent or difficult.

The LW includes _breastfeeding a toddler_ as an example of coddling a child (or else...she just included it for no reason, but I'm voting with the first). That's weird. That's just....weird. The LW wants to interact with a toddler on HER terms, not the toddler's. ALSO weird. I don't trust anything the LW says about her DIL at this point.