agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in an apartment building and whenever I see someone (especially when waiting for the elevator), I say hello, good morning, good evening, etc. My parents were adamant about manners, and I was raised to greet people and acknowledge them. I do this automatically, even when I'm not aware of it.

I recently had an episode where a neighbor, who has made it apparent that he and his girlfriend don't care for me, has asked me to stop greeting either of them whenever I see them. When I asked why, he said that I was pushing the boundaries of being a good neighbor. I'd never heard of this, and have no idea if I should respond as requested or just laugh it off (which I did when I thought of it).

As I run into them a few times a week, do you have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Swyize. This is Miss Manners' alternative to the ever-popular "smize." While the latter means to "smile with your eyes," Miss Manners' version means to smile without them.

You may greet your neighbors thus whenever you see them, signifying that you have heard their unneighborly request and will abide by it -- but not ungrudgingly so.

https://www.uexpress.com/life/miss-manners/2022/01/01/1

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The fact that LW wrote in to Miss Manners about this rather than simply rolling their eyes and leaving these neighbors alone suggests that they are, in fact, the problem, that they are not simply greeting their neighbors and moving on, but actively intruding into their lives on a daily basis.

I could be wrong, sure, but if I am I still don't see what's so hard about heeding their request without any weird passive-aggressive antics.

I suspect that if weird passive-aggressive antics are not your jam, Miss Manners is not the columnist for you.

Possibly, possibly. Sometimes weird passive agressive antics are called for. In this case, LW definitely Started It and is In The Wrong.

I am beginning to dread any Miss Manners post that shows up here, because I know the advice will be chock full of passive aggressive bullshit. Like, ok, I get that habits can be hard to break (if you're used to blithely saying good day to everyone, frex), but sweet buttery Jesus is it that much to ask to just try to take this in stride and try to change your behavior? Must you immediately call for your Uber Huff and leave in it?

If nothing has ever happened between them but LW saying a formulaic greeting each time they see each other, I would be pretty surprised. I mean, if that's the case, their asking not to be greeted anymore seems practically unhinged. People who say 'hi' and people who don't and people who avoid eye contact meet in apartment buildings all the time and 99% of them manage to just nod awkwardly or whatever, or at worst, pretend not to hear. They've gotta be actually offended to go that far.

Or, I mean, if they aren't, then LW is kind of in the right, because their request is weird, but OTOH it's still a weird letter.