agonyaunt | (no subject)

(no subject)

Ella writes: We have a family Netflix account. I am 18, but every time I switch my profile to allow TV-MA (mature) shows, my dad changes it back. Please order him to let me watch all kinds of shows!

Nothing magical happens when a child turns 18. And that’s why your dad should have figured out years ago that you are a whole human being with a deep inner life who deserves respect and agency. He may argue, “My house, my rules,” but you can tell him that’s just what the Front Man would say about the Squid Game (a show you can watch now). If you have the means, you could buy your own Netflix account. But better to point out: The only thing his censorship has done is drive you to write to a weird 50-year-old fake judge. Is that what he wants for his little girl? You’ll both be happier if he lets go and trusts your judgment, as the actual law now requires.

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/28/magazine/family-netflix-mature-shows.html

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Not much to say here - this column tends towards the lightly humorous. You'd be lucky to get anything as serious as the old "which way to hang the toilet paper" standby.

Just want to point out that LW's dad does not seem to understand how to effectively set parental controls so as to keep his (now adult) child from unsetting them, which makes his actions both controlling and amazingly pointless.

I would strongly encourage LW to add up the cost of whatever family-plan conveniences they're on, like phone, and start budgeting to get off the shared accounts as soon as possible. A friend with a parent like this had a hell of a time getting their phone number transferred off the family account that Dad controlled and needed to because Dad would only pay for minimal service levels.

I mean, if the dad is paying for the account then it makes sense that he'd get a say on the settings? Just like how LW would get a say on the settings if they had a Netflix account of their own, which is probably what they should do so their dad can't override their media preferences.

Part of growing up is finding a way to pay for your own things. This can become very difficult depending on the family, but I don't see anything to suggest that here. In LW's case, a part time job will generally be enough to pay the $8.99 per month for the cheapest Netflix subscription option.

What's the point of having that setting if you can just give yourself more permissions lol? I'd just change it for your session & then change it back. Netflix also lets you delete things from your history & 'Continue Watching'. Obviously it's probably like healthier if LW can talk the dad into letting his adult child choose what they watch but... I'm doubtful that would work.

My son is 9 and does not yet recognize everything he can access on the internet. Right now controls are easy: He has to use his phone in the living room, and he doesn't do anything but play games. I am acutely aware that these days are numbered, and I am going to need to figure out parental controls, and more importantly, figure out how to help him navigate a digital world I know I can't really control his access to, at least not for long.

The dad in this letter is nuts if he thinks he can stop his 18-year-old daughter from watching rated-R movies.

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