Dear Prudence: Might as well post the whole thing

[cereta]

Dear Prudie,I have been with my husband for over 20 years, married for 15. He is 54 and I am 61. He adores me and has never been anything but happy with our life. However, in the last couple of years, I have had some major health issues that have changed our lives somewhat. He doesn’t complain and is right there to help me with anything, but I feel that I am becoming a burden. How do I stop feeling that I am holding him down from enjoying his life? I love him so much and I don’t want to ruin the rest of his life.

— Holding Him Back

Dear Holding Him Back,

When you got married, did he know you were seven years older than him? Was he familiar with the way people tend to deal with medical issues later in life? Was there anything in your vows that touched on the idea of loving each other unconditionally, perhaps “in sickness and in health?” I’m guessing the answers to all these questions are yes! You need to think about why you don’t believe you’re deserving of care and companionship even when you’re not at your best, and why you can’t see that having you as a partner adds value to your husband’s life. And then, with the help of a therapist or some good conversations with him, begin to change your thinking. I’m sure you’re suffering enough as a result of your medical issues—please don’t add to your pain by refusing to accept that the person who promised to love you forever actually does.

Comments

[cereta]

Yeah, the Twitter thread that caused me to look that stat up was one long horror story of men expecting women with Stage-4 cancer to cook and clean and work full-time. It was awful.

[librarygeek]

My paternal grandmother did exactly THAT to my mom after Mom had already a diagnosis of stomach cancer and given less than 3 months to live. I was then 6 months pregnant with my only successful pregnancy, and had 3 miscarriages prior, so Mom didn't even want me told at first about her diagnosis, so I didn't lose another one.

My dad did manage to step up, take care of Grandma and Mom, until Grandma asked to go into the same assisted living facility as her father. I think it took only a few months. 😇🤣

But Mom was in tears about Grandma telling the family "I'm going back to my hometown where my daughter-in-law will care for me just like she took care of her mother!" THAT was twenty years prior, and Mom didn't have a cancer diagnosis at that time.

Mom almost made it two whole years after diagnosis before passing, so she did play with her grandbaby, my baby only one born before she died, and Grandma lived another 3 years after Mom.