It hurts, and even lube doesn’t make it feel good. And he watches porn and thinks he can just ram it in and do it the same as vaginal sex. It’s a slow process for me, and sometimes I’m sore after, sometimes I bleed, sometimes I’m constipated. It hurts and when he gets close to ejaculating he won’t stop, and therefore my rectum tears sometimes. I’ve told him all this, but he still wants it.

I tell him no all the time—I say no, but I don’t want to flat out say no.

Yeah, this is rape.

I understand that LW might need to get their on her own, because it took me more than a decade to get there on my own. But LW, speaking as someone who's been there, you're being raped. You tell him no. You tell him it hurts. You tell him no again. You tell him it bleeds. You tell him no again. And he oozes you into it, pushing a little further each time, making each of your nos seem unreasonable or just be unheard, and then he keeps raping you.

Make an exit plan and talk to a lawyer, and stop letting your rapist touch you.

(And no judgement if you take a while to get there. But all the support.)