I'm disturbed that the columnist thinks "the parts of the relationship that work" might balance out the fact that the husband is sexually abusing her. Not stopping a sexual act when asked to stop is rape, and the fact that he apparently "tries it" after she says she doesn't want to is also rape, or pretty close to it, and the rest of his coercive bullshit is abusive.

Nothing else in the relationship could possibly be good enough to balance this out. This dude cares more about getting anal sex than he does about his wife's sexual pleasure, bodily autonomy, and even her physical safety.