As I read this, I kept thinking of one thing my parents did for me, the oldest of 7, when they came into a lot of money very late in the game: they took me aside and told me they were able to pay for several younger siblings to go to the colleges of their choice (or nursing school, etc.), including the very youngest, who got to go to the sort of small private liberal arts college I'd so desperately wanted to attend, but couldn't afford even with scholarships, and got to major in the discipline I'd wanted to study. I was told over and over that it was impractical and I'd never be able to earn a living with that degree, so I went into something more practical. They acknowledged that my life would have been a lot different if they'd come into that money sooner.
As part of that same conversation, they offered to pay off my grad school loans as a way of evening things out. It was very kind, it got me out of a really rough financial patch, and it was motivated by their desire to do the right thing and keep their kids from resenting each other.
Nowhere in LW's story is there a word about Lily's educational debt. They mention that Jen graduated "debt free." My guess (totally unfounded because there's no mention of it) is that Lily is still paying off student loans. If LW really wants to take steps toward evening things out, that would be where I'd tell them to put their money. No, money won't fix everything that's broken in that relationship. But it would go a long way to showing their oldest that they regret some of the choices they made in the past, and that they have changed and want to ease her way to the same extent they've smoothed the path for Jen.
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As part of that same conversation, they offered to pay off my grad school loans as a way of evening things out. It was very kind, it got me out of a really rough financial patch, and it was motivated by their desire to do the right thing and keep their kids from resenting each other.
Nowhere in LW's story is there a word about Lily's educational debt. They mention that Jen graduated "debt free." My guess (totally unfounded because there's no mention of it) is that Lily is still paying off student loans. If LW really wants to take steps toward evening things out, that would be where I'd tell them to put their money. No, money won't fix everything that's broken in that relationship. But it would go a long way to showing their oldest that they regret some of the choices they made in the past, and that they have changed and want to ease her way to the same extent they've smoothed the path for Jen.