this is one of the biggest reasons why I didn't let my parents control the story of who got what when. My mother was a big "this is a secret" person between each one of us. She told us out loud that she wanted to be fair as much as she could, but then she would take us aside and tell us "don't tell you sisters I am paying for x" or even worse, "don't tell your sisters you are paying my mortgage" which I did for about 10 months.
As soon as the words "don't tell your sisters" came up I told them. I wanted to be above board with them regarding what did and did not come my way. The only thing we never discussed was college money. And I wish we had. I got not one dime. But both of my sisters went thru and I have no idea if they paid for it (like I did, 3 jobs a semester). I also was the only one to move away for grad school. I was dropped off with the phrase "don't call us if you get in trouble or land in the hospital. we cannot help you" and I never did.
I told my sisters about the mortgage bc if she dropped dead I wanted to be paid first from the proceeds of the house before the will. I still have not been paid back and my sisters know that my "loan" still stands. I learned the hard way that secrets were bad and that my sisters either had to stick together or stand alone. We get on OK. We don't like.. live in each others pockets. but we all know that if needed we can depend on each other in a pinch. And I credit that with always being honest with them about circumstances.
If Lily and Jen want to form a relationship with each other with no secrets, then they need to have a discussion about it. And I would not fault Lily for never speaking to her terrible parents again.
no subject
As soon as the words "don't tell your sisters" came up I told them. I wanted to be above board with them regarding what did and did not come my way. The only thing we never discussed was college money. And I wish we had. I got not one dime. But both of my sisters went thru and I have no idea if they paid for it (like I did, 3 jobs a semester). I also was the only one to move away for grad school. I was dropped off with the phrase "don't call us if you get in trouble or land in the hospital. we cannot help you" and I never did.
I told my sisters about the mortgage bc if she dropped dead I wanted to be paid first from the proceeds of the house before the will. I still have not been paid back and my sisters know that my "loan" still stands. I learned the hard way that secrets were bad and that my sisters either had to stick together or stand alone. We get on OK. We don't like.. live in each others pockets. but we all know that if needed we can depend on each other in a pinch. And I credit that with always being honest with them about circumstances.
If Lily and Jen want to form a relationship with each other with no secrets, then they need to have a discussion about it. And I would not fault Lily for never speaking to her terrible parents again.