Annie's Mailbox: Do people really think this way still?

[cereta]

Dear Annie: I met my husband in college. He was outgoing, handsome and a star athlete. We now have two beautiful babies and, I thought, a perfect marriage.

A month ago, we had dinner with a couple we've known for years. One of them said something about "bisexuals," to which I replied, "There is no such thing. You are either gay or straight." Everyone looked uncomfortable.

The next day, my husband told me said that he is bisexual. He said he'd had a relationship with another man in college before he met me. But he reassured me that I had nothing to worry about because he loves me and has no desire to be with anyone else of either sex.

Annie, I wish he'd never told me. I've been upset ever since. I believe my husband when he says he is not interested in anyone else, but I have to ask, is there really such a thing as "bisexual"? My sister says that is just what people claim before they come out as gay. And second, how can I trust my husband when he kept this secret from me for so long?

Please don't suggest counseling. My husband says there is nothing to "change" about him, although he says he will go if I insist. But what if we go and then, just like my sister says, this bisexual stuff is all bogus and he decides he is gay? I don't want to end our marriage. I just want to turn back the clock so I can think of my husband the way I did before. — Confused Wife

Dear Confused: Your sister is giving you damaging and incorrect information. Decades ago, people may have believed that one was either gay or straight, and that bisexuals were simply hiding their true selves, but this is no longer considered accurate.
We have come to understand that sexuality is more complicated and that some people are attracted to both sexes. And one's sexual orientation has nothing to do with remaining faithful to one's partner. Your husband is the same man you fell in love with. If you trust him, your marriage is solid.

Please look into PFLAG (pflag.org) which can offer information that will help you understand what's going on. But if you find that your marriage is floundering over this, consider counseling from someone who specializes in LGBT marriages and can address your specific concerns.