This sounds like time for a heartbreaking and adult talk with Alex, including points like:
* We hate the fact that this is true, but Leo's mother has legal authority over Leo until he turns 18 or emancipates himself. This means that she is allowed to set rules for Leo to follow, including terrible rules. * That doesn't make it morally right. * You believe that queer people are no worse than any other random person, and a worldview that casts them as wicked and sinful and dirty is incorrect, cruel, and not what a person should believe or act on. Leo's mother is wrong and you are angry and Alex is justified in being mad too. * No matter what Alex's gender and sexuality situation, you love him and support him and hope that he'll trust you enough to share whatever he's going through with you. (Note: language like "even if you're gay I'll still love you anyway" can imply that you would not be pleased and supportive; if you think you'd be taken aback by that kind of announcement you can make a commitment to do any processing you have to do with GLAAD or whatever and not at Alex.) * If Leo's mother catches him communicating with you, she will likely try to add more rules and/or punish him. * Does Alex think it's possible that Leo is some variety of queer (gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, gender-fluid, genderqueer)? * Short history lesson on conversion therapy, and whether or not it is legal in your area. If Leo's mother thinks there is a chance Leo might be queer, he is at risk of being subjected to this dangerous and hurtful process. https://www.glaad.org/conversiontherapy * If sex-ed can be opted out of by parents, or needs to be opted in to, or if Leo "just happened" to have a doctor's appointment or be out sick that day/week, it's likely that Leo is underinformed about how his body works, how other people's bodies work, and what is likely to end up with someone injured, emotionally hurt/traumatized, catching an STI, or pregnant. * It's likely that Alex may become the person Leo asks when he has questions about that stuff, so Alex should have these resources (agreed, Scarleteen is great) and educate himself. * Infosec lecture! Assume that Leo's communications are monitored: that his mother has access to his call logs and texts, that she can see his sent and received emails, that she will peer into his school accounts, that there is some kind of nannyware on the computer that may send a list of visited websites to his mother, and may block some. Even if there is not nannyware, his mother may monitor his browser history. How to clear cache, cookies, and delete specific sites from browser history. How to use public library computers (while they may be restricted, they probably will not report home to his mom). * What constitutes emotional, physical, and (sadly) sexual abuse in your area. Whether there are mandated reporters and who they might be. The risks and benefits of telling a mandated reporter about what is going on in your home life. * Whether or not you are willing to risk sheltering Leo if he decides to run away, and what assistance you would be able to give.
no subject
* We hate the fact that this is true, but Leo's mother has legal authority over Leo until he turns 18 or emancipates himself. This means that she is allowed to set rules for Leo to follow, including terrible rules.
* That doesn't make it morally right.
* You believe that queer people are no worse than any other random person, and a worldview that casts them as wicked and sinful and dirty is incorrect, cruel, and not what a person should believe or act on. Leo's mother is wrong and you are angry and Alex is justified in being mad too.
* No matter what Alex's gender and sexuality situation, you love him and support him and hope that he'll trust you enough to share whatever he's going through with you. (Note: language like "even if you're gay I'll still love you anyway" can imply that you would not be pleased and supportive; if you think you'd be taken aback by that kind of announcement you can make a commitment to do any processing you have to do with GLAAD or whatever and not at Alex.)
* If Leo's mother catches him communicating with you, she will likely try to add more rules and/or punish him.
* Does Alex think it's possible that Leo is some variety of queer (gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, gender-fluid, genderqueer)?
* Short history lesson on conversion therapy, and whether or not it is legal in your area. If Leo's mother thinks there is a chance Leo might be queer, he is at risk of being subjected to this dangerous and hurtful process. https://www.glaad.org/conversiontherapy
* If sex-ed can be opted out of by parents, or needs to be opted in to, or if Leo "just happened" to have a doctor's appointment or be out sick that day/week, it's likely that Leo is underinformed about how his body works, how other people's bodies work, and what is likely to end up with someone injured, emotionally hurt/traumatized, catching an STI, or pregnant.
* It's likely that Alex may become the person Leo asks when he has questions about that stuff, so Alex should have these resources (agreed, Scarleteen is great) and educate himself.
* Infosec lecture! Assume that Leo's communications are monitored: that his mother has access to his call logs and texts, that she can see his sent and received emails, that she will peer into his school accounts, that there is some kind of nannyware on the computer that may send a list of visited websites to his mother, and may block some. Even if there is not nannyware, his mother may monitor his browser history. How to clear cache, cookies, and delete specific sites from browser history. How to use public library computers (while they may be restricted, they probably will not report home to his mom).
* What constitutes emotional, physical, and (sadly) sexual abuse in your area. Whether there are mandated reporters and who they might be. The risks and benefits of telling a mandated reporter about what is going on in your home life.
* Whether or not you are willing to risk sheltering Leo if he decides to run away, and what assistance you would be able to give.