Ask A Manager: my awful former boss works at the new job I’m about to start

[minoanmiss]

With your advice, I recently landed a new job in a pandemic-affected industry after a year of doing a bridge job after my old job was eliminated during the pandemic. My first job after grad school six and a half years ago was for an incredibly toxic unit of the largest, most-respected institution in our field. I was initially hired by one team member as her program assistant and got some weird vibes initially but put them out of my mind because it was a paid job in our incredibly competitive field. A few months later, my first boss was moved out of our department (not fired, just moved around) for threatening our division head, and though my title was program assistant, I had no program manager and reported directly to the division head, Jane.


It did not go well.

Jane didn’t like me immediately. I soon found out she had another candidate in mind, but my first boss hired me over her objections. She thought I was loyal to the first boss. The truth is, I didn’t even really talk to the first boss after the threatening happened and wasn’t involved in the incident at all (in fact, I was away dealing with family illness when everything happened).The first boss had even asked me to testify in her lawsuit against the division head, and I said no.

Even so, Jane immediately targeted me, publicly attacking my programs in department meetings, etc. She also went AWOL at times, wouldn’t look over my workplans or program plans until the last minute (often after the program was over asking me why I didn’t consider certain things before), wouldn’t respond to emails, etc. I was in way over my head (a program assistant without a program manager), and didn’t have the most emotional intelligence (I was 22 at the time). I often cried during meetings while she was berating me, etc. In hindsight I see I made others uncomfortable by having emotional outbursts, which made things much worse for me. She tried writing me up for emotional difficulty but her boss wouldn’t let her (and as a result, there is nothing in writing about the difficulties we had). Another more senior coworker saw how she was pushing me out and helped me secure a position at her old company, and I’ve had a successful career in the five years since.

Fast forward to now. I’ve been hired for a new job at an equally prestigious company and am relocating to work there, have already given notice at my bridge job, etc. I I called up the director of my old company, who I’ve remained on good terms with, to let her know HR would be getting a background check form for me and … I found out Jane works at my new job.

I would appreciate any advice on how to handle the situation. I’m five years removed from toxic company, and have reflected a lot in my role in the situation. Jane and I will be in different but related divisions (thinking product marketing and product development) but at the same worksite. The new institution has 3,000+ employees and the divisions are clearly separated. In fact, the roles are so siloed that my new boss hasn’t even mentioned her, even though my new boss interviewed for a role at my first job and would probably remember Jane from that.

I will not be working directly with Jane, although I am on a cross-institutional project with a few of her direct reports. When I talked to the director of my old job, she let me know my ex-boss was sent to management coaching after myself and a few other team members left.

I start in a week and a half, and I’m terrified. I haven’t slept well since I found out. I’m irrationally worried she might find a way to get me fired from my new job before it even begins. I’m also worried about the awkwardness of what happens when I run into her. I ran into her once walking in the city we used to live in, and although it was cordial, I wonder if things might be different when she hears we’re at the same new job. She also contacted me once six months after I left about filling out an anonymous survey for her management coaching. I filled it out honestly — which is another thing that worries me that she might be retaliate for me against, if it really wasn’t anonymous.

Should I tell my new boss preemptively, or just see how things fall? Or just hope our work is so silo’ed I never see her once? I know I’m drastically changed from who I was five years ago, and I hope Jane is too. I plan on being cordial and professional, and just working as hard as I have over the last five years to bounce back from this and showing everyone I belong in my new job. Is there anything else I can or should be doing?

You have a lot of things going for you here!

* You’re in different divisions at a large company where the roles are siloed.

* You won’t be working directly with Jane.

* She was sent to management coaching because of the way she treated people in the past. There is a good chance that she has a different viewpoint now on how she behaved with you than she did while it was happening. If nothing else, she was likely told in no uncertain terms that her treatment of employees was Not Okay — which means she’s gotten a clear message that behaving that way isn’t good for her career. Best case scenario, she might even be embarrassed. Hell, as worried as you are about what she might say to people about you, she might be worried about what you might say about her. (And yes, there’s a power difference, but the situation still might unsettle her if she learned anything in management coaching.)

* It’s been five years. That’s a long time.

I don’t think you need to preemptively tell your new boss, at least not right away. Get the lay of the land, see if your paths even cross, and see what vibe you get from Jane if they do. It’s possible you’ll realize quickly that you’re not going to have any contact … or you might run into her and get a completely different vibe than last time. This job was presumably a fresh start for her and she might have zero interest in delving back into anything from five years ago.

Meanwhile, focus on establishing a good reputation and credibility with your new boss — which will be helpful if Jane ever does say anything less than flattering. If at some point you do want to say something to your new boss, it could be something like, “I feel like I should mention that I worked for Jane at X Company five years ago and it was a difficult experience. I’d been hired by someone she had conflict with — lawsuit-level conflict — and I think she always associated me with them. I want to be up-front with you about it since I don’t know if it might ever affect our team’s dynamic with her. It’s been five years so this might be unnecessary, but I’d rather say something than not.” But wait to say that until you (a) are more of a known quantity to your new boss and (b) have a better sense of whether you need to or not.

As for Jane herself, be as warm as you can! I know that might be hard to do with someone who used to berate you until you cried — maybe even impossible — but being warm to her could provide you with an additional layer of inoculation because it will signal that there’s no grudge or weirdness for her to navigate, and sometimes when you’re warm and kind to someone who doesn’t deserve it, they’ll be glad for the opportunity to reset things and move forward. (For the sake of thoroughness, other times a bully will see an opening they can take advantage of. That’s not as common, but it’s why you’re going to pay a lot of attention to the vibe you’re getting from her and will still have the option to talk to your boss if you need it.)

I obviously can’t guarantee this will be okay, but I think there’s a good chance that it will be.