On the financial side: The correct way for the sister and brother-in-law to make this gift is for them to pay the college or university directly. This avoids all issues. Institutions see this situation often enough that it is easy to set up an additional address for bills to go to, or these days online access. There is no need to set up a 529 or whatever. I assume sister is au courant with the cost of tuition; this could run them well over 150K.
The best way for LW and her son to proceed is to fill out FAFSA (don't be like my mother, who refused to do this) with or without husband, accept whatever aid is offered in terms of scholarships and grants, and then for the sister to pay the balance. Do not assume there is no financial aid!
The student should go to the best choice possible, not the one Dad's intransigence routes them into. College choice genuinely can affect the rest of the student's life in terms of access and networking and the resources available at a top-tier school can be significantly better. The opportunity to start debt-free opens an entire universe of choice and agency to the graduate.
It's very possible that the father really has no idea how much money and how much debt service is involved these days. Framing this as an opportunity for evening the playing field for the son, allowing him great power for shaping his career and life choices, may make a difference. (Among other things, heavily debt-burdened graduates put off having families for a long time, and parents who go into debt to pay for college are wasting assets they'll need later.)
no subject
The best way for LW and her son to proceed is to fill out FAFSA (don't be like my mother, who refused to do this) with or without husband, accept whatever aid is offered in terms of scholarships and grants, and then for the sister to pay the balance. Do not assume there is no financial aid!
The student should go to the best choice possible, not the one Dad's intransigence routes them into. College choice genuinely can affect the rest of the student's life in terms of access and networking and the resources available at a top-tier school can be significantly better. The opportunity to start debt-free opens an entire universe of choice and agency to the graduate.
It's very possible that the father really has no idea how much money and how much debt service is involved these days. Framing this as an opportunity for evening the playing field for the son, allowing him great power for shaping his career and life choices, may make a difference. (Among other things, heavily debt-burdened graduates put off having families for a long time, and parents who go into debt to pay for college are wasting assets they'll need later.)