Dear Prudence: My Husband Makes Me Hug Him

[rymenhild]

Dear Prudence, 20 October 2015

Q. Hug Toll: My husband forces me to give him hugs. I know this sounds like a really stupid problem to have. He has created a “hug toll,” and he won’t let me leave the room until I give him a hug. Here are some examples. I am running late for work and need to rush out the door. He will physically block my exit until I give him a hug. He doesn’t do this in a way that will hurt me; he’ll just pick me up until I give him his hug then he’ll let me go. Another scenario is we are downstairs and I have to use the bathroom he will block the stairs until I hug him. It’s really annoying. Sometimes I just don’t feel like giving hugs. I have told him this, but he just laughed at me. The hug “tax” is really obnoxious. How do I make it stop? He is 100 pounds heavier than me and a foot taller, so I can’t push my way out. How can I make it stop, Prudence? I love hugging him, just not on command. He’s a hug bully.

A: Your letter makes me think that perhaps it’s time for you to establish a “knee to the balls” tax in response to the “hug tax.” (I have not checked with the IRS for a ruling on this.) This is a stupid problem, because your husband is behaving stupidly, but it’s not a stupid problem in the sense that it is trivial. Your very large husband manhandles you when you’re on your way out the door or even going to the bathroom. This is profoundly not OK. People treat their pets with more respect for their autonomy than he’s giving you. You need to tell him this has to stop—now. Explain if that he is undermining the very basis of your marriage, and you cannot continue to feel as if your own home is the equivalent of Checkpoint Charlie.

Comments

[rymenhild]

I think Prudie's advice here (for once) is basically correct. I just want to complain about how gross this husband is. He thinks required hugs, at any time, are funny. He thinks he owns his wife's body. He thinks consent isn't necessary to express marital affection.

UGH.

[kaberett]

y e p

[recessional]

Ditto Prudie's advice.

I just always end up looking at things like this - and this is hardly the first example of stuff I, at least, would consider "things like this" and, like . . . *interpretive dance*

Dude would not still be married to me.

[sathari]

Echoing this. Marriage-ender for sure--- not least because LW has told eir husband that sie does not like this and he laughs at eir. That is the deal-breaker: sie used eir words about a violation of personal space and eir intimate partner fucking laughed at eir. How 'bout, nope? (Seriously, I want to pay for the movers and the divorce lawyer for the LW or something.)

[amadi]

This LW's spouse isn't a person who deserves to have a spouse.