Dear Abby: Friends Question Decision to Retire at 50

[delphi]

DEAR ABBY: I am 50, own my home and am debt-free. I have friends but have never dated anyone. This doesn't bother me, although many of my close friends joke with me about being a "50-year-old virgin."

My problem is, four years ago I lost my job. I have a few investments and a small inheritance that, when combined, give me an income of $60,000 a year. So I don't need more money.

Although I did look for another job for two years, I haven't tried for the past two. I tell my friends I've decided to retire. They keep telling me I need to find a job because I need something to keep me busy. I remind them that I have enough money for everything I need.

Friends have started telling me I may have a "problem" and should think about counseling. I see no need for it, but have decided to get an outside opinion. So, Abby, should I see a counselor about my lack of interest in finding a new job? -- OUT OF WORK IN TEXAS


DEAR OUT OF WORK: There are reasons people work besides the financial one. Social stimulation is important, too. I am glad you have the money to support yourself now, but what if something unplanned or catastrophic happens in the future that jeopardizes your nest egg?

Fifty is young to "retire." The counseling you're considering should be used to determine why you lack the motivation to continue being a contributing member of society. (This may be the "problem" your friends are hinting at.)

Comments

[torachan]

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK HER. Seriously, wow. I am amazed every time at how vile these columnists are.

[firecat]

Her head went so far up her ass it came out of her mouth and landed on the moon.

[sathari]

Echoing the FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK HER.

Seriously, there are a lot of other "contributions" that people can make that are not Having A (Conventional) "Job", SO MANY THINGS. Hell, just Being a Good Friend (in ways that someone who is working for a living can't be, because, you know, WORK--- "sorry, can't keep talking with you, I have work tomorrow", that kind of thing) is one hell of a contribution.

Not to mention that work can sometimes be the OPPOSITE of social stimulation--- think jobs with a Decorum Requirement; not having to Be Professional Even After Hours can open up a whole new world of social stimulation!

(Seriously, I want to yell a LOT about Abby's answer; the above is me being self-restrained about the WORLD OF NOPE involved for me.)

[kaberett]

yes, this precisely, Oh Fuck Off, etc

[naath]

Fifty is young to retire, but that's because few people have the money to manage. Out of Work neither needs nor wants a job, perhaps they can find something else to fill their time and contribute to society.

[cereta]

GOD, I hate this Puritan Work Ethic crap that insists the only worthwhile way to spend your life is toiling nine hours a day, not to mention that you should be earning money. Who the fuck is an independently wealthy woman who inherited a cushy job from her mother to lecture someone about contributing to society?

(And yes, I have Feelings on this, because I love my job, but given the chance to retire early and do something like blog about rhetoric and writing, I'd do it in a heartbeat.)

[shirou]

I agree with everything that's been said about how a job is not required to be happy or make contributions to society. Abby's response is terrible. However, I have to wonder if there's something the LW isn't saying. Why are his/her friends (plural) recommending therapy? Maybe the LW is withdrawing from society and turning into a recluse. There's nothing inherently wrong with that - some people genuinely want that lifestyle - but if it's accompanied by depression and loneliness, then that's a problem, and seeing a therapist could be a positive move.

[recessional]

Yeah: Abby's response is bullshit, but in LWs letter the reason the friends give is "keeping busy", which for many people means "not sitting at home alone all day watching the Home Improvement channel", which makes me think their concern is more "LW now does nothing at all all day long and eventually being purposeless and lonely tends to make people sad".

Whether or not their concern is based in reality is something LW would decide (and if zie is truly comfortable with zir income some part time volunteering or a choir or a book club might well be a much better idea than a quote-unquote "job").

[shirou]

Exactly. Actually, I'm surprised that most of the comments here, while totally valid, focused only on rebutting Abby's bullshit comments about employment and ignored the possible mental/emotional health issue. I'm even surprised that Abby ignored it.

[recessional]

I'm surprised Abby ignored it; in terms of the comments, less so. "You're not a proper person unless you work a Real Job for Monies" is a really toxic cultural meme that a lot of people, particularly people who have various disabilities, struggle like fuck with, and which can really do a lot of damage. When one gets hit by one of those, other details tend to fall by the wayside. (Gods know it's happened to me.)

[delight]

My mother retired at 45 because she had the ability to survive on her 401k and her schizophrenia makes it so that it's easier for her to stay out of the workplace, it's safer -- would this columnist tell her that she needed to work for social stimulation, too? Because being exposed to stressors that could kill her is fine, Work Ethic and the American Dream are more important! I've definitely seen other people tell her this, that because she isn't so "ill" that she's on disability (which, had she not voluntarily left the workforce, she might be by now) she should be a Contributing Member of Society.

So yes, I definitely have lots of personal snarl at this one, because in my head this is a lot like my mom but without the brain disorder. Which doesn't actually make it any less valid! If anything it makes it somewhat moreso, because mom does need structure and she did come unglued a little bit at first -- so she joined a fitness program and has a personal trainer who gives her week some structure. Just not wanting to work because you don't freaking have to -- $60k a year is a lot of money -- is a privilege that LW seems aware they've got on their side (I appreciate the lack of arrogance in describing their income) and there's nothing wrong with it. There's also nothing that says LW isn't "contributing" in some other way like, uh, I don't know, being a friend. It sounds like LW has shitty friends and needs new ones though.

[xenacryst]

Newsflash: your JOB does not define your worth to society, your friends, or YOURSELF. I have some strong opinions on this, which pretty much echo what everyone else has said (and some tangents on that, as well, which I don't need to go into here).

[redbird]

Work ethic along with odd ideas of which groups of people need a job "to keep them busy": if the LW had inherited enough to give him ten times the income, he'd be getting "oh, you can travel" and "would you like to join the board of our charity?" Or, if he were 65 instead of 50, his friends might be trying to sign him up for a book club, or asking him to volunteer for the local blood drive, but they wouldn't insist he needed a paid job.

Hm. I wonder if the subtext here is that his friends want him to find a job so he remembers that they have other obligations and aren't free to spend huge amounts of time hanging out with him, in which case either volunteer work or classes of some sort would be a solution.

[sathari]

Oh, man, yeah, the "to keep LW busy" thing. I like your analysis of the subtext, and also I want to YELL about the idea of "keeping busy" like it's a good thing by first principles. To quote Calvin and Hobbes, "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want." LOL

[amadi]

I'm side eyeing the fuck out of Abby for that noxious capitalist bullshit. But I'm also side eyeing the friends. Is it really so amazing that someone who has a nice middle class income might decide, at 50, which isn't elderly but isn't young, that they've had enough and want to do something else with their life than producing wealth for other people? Come on. This isn't a crisis that needs counseling or indicates a mental illness (FFS) it's someone deciding to enjoy their life and not be greedy for more money than they need to live comfortably.

[sathari]

I LOVE this response. Just YES.