So, I'm not surprised this is a particular stumbling point for LW but... they do need to get over it & understand that 1) the bathroom rules they learned are not actually necessary for Maximal Bathroom Safety and 2) your child is going to continue being nonbinary in ways that are profoundly uncomfortable for you or other people.
This this this. The answer is right and the parent needs to work through this in therapy or in some other way that doesn't involve the kid, but I totally see where the stumbling block lies. Given that the kid feels less suspiciously viewed in the chosen bathroom, I read this pretty strongly as a kid who was AFAB, which means the parent is probably freaking out because someone they still hindbrain-feel is their little girl, scarcely adolescent, who may well not present as non-female 100% of the time, is using a room with a bunch of dudes at urinals. It's still something the parent works through on their own, and mustn't become the kid's problem, but I don't think it's fair to expect a parent not to have stress about it. Being a good, aware parent who wants what's best for your kids is a moving and fraught topic, especially during adolescence, and what to protect their children from changes so rapidly at that age.
But none of that matters to how they react in front of the kid, obviously. And as you said, "I'm sure they're already somewhat versed in how to modify their gender expression in order to navigate our present society", I'm sure they also know their parents are uncomfortable and it sucks for them.
no subject
This this this. The answer is right and the parent needs to work through this in therapy or in some other way that doesn't involve the kid, but I totally see where the stumbling block lies. Given that the kid feels less suspiciously viewed in the chosen bathroom, I read this pretty strongly as a kid who was AFAB, which means the parent is probably freaking out because someone they still hindbrain-feel is their little girl, scarcely adolescent, who may well not present as non-female 100% of the time, is using a room with a bunch of dudes at urinals. It's still something the parent works through on their own, and mustn't become the kid's problem, but I don't think it's fair to expect a parent not to have stress about it. Being a good, aware parent who wants what's best for your kids is a moving and fraught topic, especially during adolescence, and what to protect their children from changes so rapidly at that age.
But none of that matters to how they react in front of the kid, obviously. And as you said, "I'm sure they're already somewhat versed in how to modify their gender expression in order to navigate our present society", I'm sure they also know their parents are uncomfortable and it sucks for them.