I didn't mean to accuse other people in these comments of being callous about the kid's well-being, and I'm sorry it came off that way! Actually I think I might even be less sympathetic if LW's friend had written the letter - in that case I might be more likely to answer, "It's not your responsibility to figure out what happens to someone else's kid, and if you don't want to be their guardian, you are probably not the best person to be their guardian anyway." I am a little sympathetic to LW, but only a *little* sympathetic!

But I do think there is a tendency for people in some communities to jump in on defending the right to be childfree by choice when a situation is more complicated than that? Like, I think if this letter had said, "I want to ask my friend to be guardian of my child who she loves if I die, but she has told me she never wants to be a parent. It is disrespectful for me to ask anyway?" many people who commented here about not wanting kids might have answered differently.

The problem is that LW is being shitty to her friend in general, and in particular not respecting a no once given, and in particular particular considering unilaterally overriding that no, and I think I think we all agree on that. And I do see how that intersects specifically with how childfree people see their no's not respected all the time, and so people react to the childfree part in particular.

But also, even as a person who doesn't have kids myself, being flat told by a best friend I trusted that they would rather see my kid in foster care/with estranged family than take them in would hurt, that is fair to acknowledge, and if LW had been less shitty about their friendship in general (reiterate: LW is just plain a bad friend, all child issues aside) I might also focus on telling LW to work through that hurt in their own space (and away from their friend!)