Dear Abby: boy sharing bed with grandmother

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend whose 11-year-old grandson stays overnight with her sometimes on the weekends. She has only one bedroom, and I'm concerned because he still sleeps with her in the same bed.

I have mentioned it to her many times, and she says there is nothing wrong with it. I even purchased a nice air mattress, very easy to inflate, which she accepted but doesn't use. I'm upset by this situation. I know she sometimes sleeps in revealing night clothes, although I don't know if she does when her grandson is there.

I find this sick and twisted. I am counting on you to set my friend straight and save this young boy from future turmoil. -- PROTECTIVE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PROTECTIVE: There is an old French saying that approximately translates, "Evil be he who thinks evil of it." I see nothing sick or twisted about a boy who occasionally stays with his grandma and shares her bed, particularly if that's the way it has always been.

When he grows so big that the bed becomes too crowded for his comfort, I'm sure he'll let Granny know. Ultimately, the boy's parents are the ones responsible for his safety. It's likely they know about and approve of the sleeping arrangements.

Comments

Contains more about my sleepwear than anyone wanted to know.

[minoanmiss]

A friend of mine says, "Nice people have the dirtiest minds," and this reminds me of that.

But then, I have a stake in this -- my little roommates, who are 10/boy and 7/girl, sleep with me when they have nightmares. I just make sure I'm wearing a nightgown when they do.

(.... which reminds me, how does this friend know what her friend sleeps in? But then I shouldn't let myself be a dirty minded nie person either.)

Re: Contains more about my sleepwear than anyone wanted to know.

[shirou]

(.... which reminds me, how does this friend know what her friend sleeps in? But then I shouldn't let myself be a dirty minded nie person either.)

This jumped out at me as well. How could a friend know so much about their sleeping arrangements? Not just the clothes, but all of it. How does the friend know that the air mattress isn't being used? Or that the grandson doesn't sleep on the couch?

Re: Contains more about my sleepwear than anyone wanted to know.

[cereta]

Seriously, unless there's something the LW is not telling us, this seems like a relatively benign situation.

[xenacryst]

Can we just lay off the morality policing (and I'm not even sure we can call it that - the, what, projecting your insecurities about what you most fear is going on behind closed doors?) of parenting for a bit? No? Sigh, I didn't think so. And, in this case, "parenting" includes "grandparenting." Here's the thing - kids come into completely innocent proximity with their family's bodies quite a bit. Yes, there are some effed up things we teach our kids about bodies, but mostly kids learn bodily autonomy, boundaries, and reasonable attitudes from that (and the effed up things aren't going to go away by banishing him from his grandmother's bed, just to clear that out). Outside of abuse, how a family decides to approach that is frankly their own business. If you see signs of abuse (and if it's happening, you can learn what to look for), then let the appropriate people know, but if you don't then keep your own sick and twisted mind out of their business.