And suggesting that she wants to do this because she's mentally ill or suffering from postpartum depression isn't manipulative?
Also, " unilaterally and dramatically changing what their life together is going to look like" rests on the assumption that she will never return to work as long as she lives. LW seems to believe that but I don't think he's proven it's true. And being upset at a radical change in how he was expecting his life to look for the next couple of years is one thing but saying his wife has "given up" and he no longer admires her is really kind of another. Basically, I don't think this has to be the Permanent Change And Dimunition he has defined it as.
ETA, also "unilaterally and dramatically changing what their life together is going to look like" rests on another assumption -- that the only paths open to them are that she is a SAHM or that she goes back to work full time and puts the baby into 40 hour a week childcare. Even in the US, which lacks a lot of basic protections found in civilized countries, there are middle paths between. I think the LW should ask his wife more about her reasons for wanting to stay home, get a deeper understanding of what's lying beneath "because I love the baby too much to go back to work," and work out potential budgets with her, and see what compromises can be made. And I also think he should remember that the baby will only be a baby for a relatively short period of time, which might help him not define this as his wife's Permanent Character Failure but as a few years out of their entire lives together.
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Also, " unilaterally and dramatically changing what their life together is going to look like" rests on the assumption that she will never return to work as long as she lives. LW seems to believe that but I don't think he's proven it's true. And being upset at a radical change in how he was expecting his life to look for the next couple of years is one thing but saying his wife has "given up" and he no longer admires her is really kind of another. Basically, I don't think this has to be the Permanent Change And Dimunition he has defined it as.
ETA, also "unilaterally and dramatically changing what their life together is going to look like" rests on another assumption -- that the only paths open to them are that she is a SAHM or that she goes back to work full time and puts the baby into 40 hour a week childcare. Even in the US, which lacks a lot of basic protections found in civilized countries, there are middle paths between. I think the LW should ask his wife more about her reasons for wanting to stay home, get a deeper understanding of what's lying beneath "because I love the baby too much to go back to work," and work out potential budgets with her, and see what compromises can be made. And I also think he should remember that the baby will only be a baby for a relatively short period of time, which might help him not define this as his wife's Permanent Character Failure but as a few years out of their entire lives together.