agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents want me to be a doctor. They have paid for my college tuition to pursue a career in medicine. After my first year of school, though, I realized that I want to be a veterinarian. It still involves many aspects of being a doctor: I wanted to be a surgeon, and I can be, just performing surgery on animals. But to them it's not good enough. They have threatened to stop paying my tuition unless I become serious about being a practicing doctor. They don't believe helping animals will give me the right success. I believe success can only be measured by our own goals, and mine is to help loving animals with no voice. How can I get them to see that my choice is just as good and not lose their support? -- Pet Vet

DEAR PET VET: Your parents are attempting to set you up for success. Becoming a doctor is one of those goals that many families have because they believe you can do good in the world and make a lot of money. I believe it is also very important to carve a path that fills your spirit; otherwise, it could be hard to live in joy.

To convince your parents, do your research. Gather information about the type of work that veterinarians do these days and the range of income that they earn. When I was growing up, veterinarians had far fewer responsibilities and opportunities than they have now. Household pets can suffer from diseases similar to humans, and surgeries mirror those that humans can undergo. Pet owners now get insurance to have the resources to care for pets that are ill. The work can be fulfilling and lucrative. Keep up your studies, and gently ease in information about your area of interest. Be prepared to get loans if they refuse to pay.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/senseandsensitivity/s-2456228

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LW's bigger problem is not that their parents think that "medical doctor" is the bestest career, but that they think that they have the right to choose what career their child pursues. And they're willing to use pretty strong ultimatums to enforce this. (What were they going to do after graduation, insist LW do the residency they approve, choose the specialty they approve? No podiatry for you, it's obestetrics or bust!)

LW doesn't need to simply prepare to take out loans. Due to the assumptions inherent in college tuition, LW needs to go now to their school and ask for assistance staying enrolled when their parents stop supporting them. They also need to get a part-time job and start socking away the cash. And I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that while this may be the first time LW has objected to Mom and Dad being inappropriately controlling, it's definitely not the first time it's happened - LW may need to look into mental health resources or at least online discussion groups to handle separating from these overbearing parents.

It may be that LW will find the right words to appease Mom and Dad, or that the parents will back down from this cliff. But it's better to be prepared.

Edit: It's not entirely clear if LW is in med school already or still in pre-med, but if it's the latter I'd strongly advise them to work with their school to get all credits that'll transfer over out of the way before issuing their own ultimatum to Mom and Dad.

Edited 2020-12-24 09:25 (UTC)

My suggestion is, if at all possible, LIE to Mum and Dad that LW is still enrolled in medicine while having transferred over to veterinary.

Smart plan if you can pull it off.

I agree. Actively making arrangements for when their parents stop paying for their education is a good idea and might be the only way for them to finish college. Odds are, the school has seen this happen before and has a process to follow for it.

Agreed. Also, med school and vet school have similar entrance requirements so transferring pre-med credits shouldn't be an issue.

One major issue, though, is getting into veterinary school. It can be even more competitive than med school. LW must be prepared to wait, possibly years, before their application is successful. It's not uncommon for aspiring vet students to take multiple degrees before they're accepted. (One of my uni friends did a Masters before acceptance; one of my uni room mates was a vet student with Stories about their classmates).

This is a perfect example why post-secondary education should be free.

Another problem is that there are a LOT more medical schools in the US than there are veterinary schools. Free post-secondary education is a lovely idea, but if there's no room in the schools, it doesn't help.

This was totally my dad, threatening to withdraw my college tuition and "make that kid get a fucking job" for any minor offense, real or imagined. *And* I had to pick my major off a "short list" of "approved" ones. Mostly STEM but I think he would have been OK with law or business had my interests and aptitude leaned that way.

I also think there's a good chance the parents are fucking narcissists who are less interested in their kid's success and happiness than in being able to show off their kid's M.D. degree as some kind of trophy for "winning at parenting".

Edited 2020-12-24 21:53 (UTC)

I think back to a presentation I heard some years ago on women entering the veterinary profession, and how male vets thought that they would be ideally suited to small animal veterinary treatment (i.e. pets rather than farm animals) because laydeez would have the soft skills needed to deal with pet owners. Who were, apparently far more troublesome than farmers.

I hope LW is not thinking that treating animals is not going to involve dealing with people and developing suitable bedside manner...

Growing up, my vet was a large and small animal vet, he'd deal with a horse or a cow and come back in, wash up, and see cats, dogs, and rabbits.

He had a lovely bedside manner and there's a few farmers I know who are really concerned about their cows who won't see anyone else.

My current vet is specifically a small animal vet - but her sister is a large and small animal vet, she said it's because her sister is a good.bit bigger than her and can handle a cow.

Well said.

(Not that LW's parents aren't controlling twits, of course.)

Why did LW's parents remind me of yours?

Because abusers have a common playbook, even if they all play from it slightly differently.

Yeah. See my comments elsewhere in this thread. Also, the whole doctor thing.

I 100% agree that the parents are controlling narcissists who are using money to get their way. Horrid.

However, I hope LW does do a lot of research before deciding on vet school. It’s highly competitive, more difficult (more species to learn), and at least as expensive as med school. But the career can be incredibly hard. Unfortunately many people just balk at the idea of paying as much for animal care as human care, even if the time, effort, and drugs are the same. Insurance still isn’t that common. On the flip side, people 100% in the mindset of “my pet is my baby” can be very quick to jump to malpractice suits or social media accusations. The suicide rate among veterinarians is astonishingly high.