Dear Abby: Oh, those silly men

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old waitress who needs advice on how to handle older men when they continually flirt, touch and even ask for hugs while I'm serving them dinner. I work in an upscale dinner house. I feel sorry for their embarrassed wives and girlfriends who witness this disgusting behavior.

Waitresses have to put up with this kind of thing for tips. Is there anything I can do to prevent it and still receive a reasonable tip for good service? -- SICK AND TIRED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SICK AND TIRED: Yes. Keep your sense of humor. Smile a lot, laugh when appropriate and stand out of reach. Most of these men are harmless. They are trying to be friendly. Those who you find overtly offensive, you should turn over to another server. If the requests for hugs continue, talk to your manager for guidance in handling them.

Comments

[cereta]

I...it...ARG.

But remember, folks: we don't need feminism anymore.

[delphi]

"They are trying to be friendly."

*headdesk*

[ellen_fremedon]

Those who you find overtly offensive, you should turn over to another server.

This does not sound conducive to workplace harmony.

(I mean, the whole of Abby's reply is terrible; this line just jumped out as particularly unhelpful.)

[kaberett]

Yeah. Or, you know, continuing to get necessary tips.

[havocthecat]

Nor does it sound conducive to, y'know, getting tips. Which is where most of a server's money comes from.

[xenacryst]

I'll grant you, from where Abby's sitting, and from the framing of, well, the whole situation, it's very very hard not to fall into the trap of "clearly it's on your head to change these men's behavior." But still, she could have more thoroughly explored the idea of talking with the manager, and then followed up with a general, "yanno, this whole place where we put service employees where society expects them not just to be friendly but to suggest that they're sexually available SUCKS, and yeah, there may not be much you can do right there in your position, but let's start talking about this and making noise and maybe we can change something. And most of all, it's not about you, it's about those guys, so they need to listen in here."

[cereta]

Yes. Yes, THAT. And the one thing I always long to see: "Peer pressure can be an excellent motivator. It might also behoove gentlemen to remonstrate friends they see engaging in this behavior."