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agonyaunt2020-12-01 11:19 am
movingfinger) wrote in agonyaunt2020-12-01 11:19 am
Dear Prudence: My roommate wants to move into my bedroom with me
Q. Can’t move in: I share a house with three roommates: “Andy,” “Kia,” and “Lynn.” Kia and Lynn are lesbians, while I am a straight girl and Andy is a straight guy. Andy and I have the two upstairs bedrooms and share a bathroom. Lynn and Kia shared the master bedroom and there’s a half-bath downstairs. Kia and Lynn have broken up and basically can’t be around each other without breaking out into an argument. Lynn is on the lease, so Kia is the one who got kicked out of the bedroom. Kia is camped out in the living room, and we all hate it because her stuff is everywhere and we cannot use the space. She is also using our bathroom to shower in. Kia has nowhere else to go and got laid off because of the pandemic. She has a few side hustles but can’t afford to move out. None of us, even Lynn, want to kick her out, but the tension in the house is high.
Kia thinks the solution is to move into my bedroom with me, since I only have a twin bed and another one can fit in easily. I don’t want that—I had to share a room growing up and it was hell. I want my privacy. I think Kia can move into the dining room we rarely use and put up curtains to make it private and use the half-bath. She and Lynn can grow up and arrange a shower schedule. Kia doesn’t want that because the noise from the stairs and kitchen will keep her up (Andy and I work nights and cook when we get home). Lynn told me to be more accommodating, and I told her she doesn’t get to drag me into her drama. She broke up with Kia, not me. This is her fault and her responsibility.
Kia and Lynn are now fighting with me. Andy has declared himself Switzerland, and I can’t afford to break the lease. I can get out in February. How do I handle this until then?
A: Frankly, if you only have to get through December, January, and February before you can get out, I’d be inclined to suggest letting Kia move her bed into your room. I can understand why you’re frustrated—it’s a very frustrating situation—but surely you don’t think putting up curtains in the dining room is enough privacy for Kia, when you insist having a roommate would be insufficiently private for you. The living room is already unusable as it is, and Kia doesn’t seem inclined to want to move her setup from the living room to the dining room (which wouldn’t really be an improvement for her, I don’t think), so in some ways I think you’d discover you had more peace and quiet even with a short-term roommate. Especially since you work nights, which means you probably won’t see too much of Kia anyways. That’s an obviously imperfect solution, and of course the bigger problem is that Kia and Lynn have expanded their breakup to include every room of the house. But if all you want to do is keep your head down, minimize conflict where you can, and find a better living situation in February, then I think that’s the easiest compromise.
If you just can’t bring yourself to share your room, wear noise-canceling headphones around the house, avoid the living room, keep to yourself as much as you can, and get out in February anyway.
Kia thinks the solution is to move into my bedroom with me, since I only have a twin bed and another one can fit in easily. I don’t want that—I had to share a room growing up and it was hell. I want my privacy. I think Kia can move into the dining room we rarely use and put up curtains to make it private and use the half-bath. She and Lynn can grow up and arrange a shower schedule. Kia doesn’t want that because the noise from the stairs and kitchen will keep her up (Andy and I work nights and cook when we get home). Lynn told me to be more accommodating, and I told her she doesn’t get to drag me into her drama. She broke up with Kia, not me. This is her fault and her responsibility.
Kia and Lynn are now fighting with me. Andy has declared himself Switzerland, and I can’t afford to break the lease. I can get out in February. How do I handle this until then?
A: Frankly, if you only have to get through December, January, and February before you can get out, I’d be inclined to suggest letting Kia move her bed into your room. I can understand why you’re frustrated—it’s a very frustrating situation—but surely you don’t think putting up curtains in the dining room is enough privacy for Kia, when you insist having a roommate would be insufficiently private for you. The living room is already unusable as it is, and Kia doesn’t seem inclined to want to move her setup from the living room to the dining room (which wouldn’t really be an improvement for her, I don’t think), so in some ways I think you’d discover you had more peace and quiet even with a short-term roommate. Especially since you work nights, which means you probably won’t see too much of Kia anyways. That’s an obviously imperfect solution, and of course the bigger problem is that Kia and Lynn have expanded their breakup to include every room of the house. But if all you want to do is keep your head down, minimize conflict where you can, and find a better living situation in February, then I think that’s the easiest compromise.
If you just can’t bring yourself to share your room, wear noise-canceling headphones around the house, avoid the living room, keep to yourself as much as you can, and get out in February anyway.
no subject
I maintain that her best option now is to utterly refuse to discuss the matter with anybody else and ignore them all until February. And, yeah, try to get them onto Andy's case instead. (Maybe sometimes I just like to stir the pot, okay?)