conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2020-11-03 03:04 am

(no subject)

DEAR ABBY: I am raising my two granddaughters and trying to allow their mother, my daughter, to visit with them. My problem is, the entire time she is with us, she stays on her phone or Snapchat. Last weekend, I drove to the place where she resides, and the whole time we were there she ignored the girls. I have a ton of family and friends who say I'm wrong for allowing her to even see the girls, period. I don't want to be the bad guy when they grow up. Help, Abby. -- FOR THEIR GOOD IN OHIO

DEAR FOR THEIR GOOD: Either your daughter doesn't know how to relate to her children, which is why she stays on her cellphone when you bring them to her, or she's not interested in creating a bond since she has offloaded them to you. Talk with your daughter. Tell her that if she isn't prepared to actually spend time with her children, you will stop bringing them, and then follow through. Children aren't stupid. They know when someone is interested in them and when they are being ignored. In the end, you won't be the bad guy in their eyes.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2434033
julian: Picture of the sign for Julian Street. (Default)

[personal profile] julian 2020-11-03 01:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, uh.

There is a lot unspecified in this letter, but if she's raising her daughter's kids, and has "a ton" of family and friends who know this and (presumably) the reasons why, then there's *probably* a lot more going on legally/systemwise than we're aware of.

Certainly, LW should talk to her daughter, but don't bring out the ultimatum guns yet.
cereta: (armadillo)

[personal profile] cereta 2020-11-03 03:53 pm (UTC)(link)
For the moment, I'm going to assume that grandma has the legal right to determine whether and how often the girls see their mother. Just the phrasing, that she's "raising" them, makes me think there's probably been a full transference of custody, if for know other reason than because the grandparents/other relatives who I've known who are raising kids of family members who use that terminology tend to be in a permanent arrangements.

So, that in mind, I think a key here lies in another phrasing, that she's "allowing" their mother to see them. Does that mean that daughter is asking for visitation, and LW is agreeing to it? Or does it mean that LW is pushing daughter to spend time with the kids? If it's the former, then letting the daughter know that she's not following through on that instance is probably a good idea. If it's the latter, well...it's probably worth some time with a family therapist to discuss whether these visits are really in the girls' best interest, and if not, how best to disengage.