I have a spouse who jokes a lot (not pranks, just humorous remarks). Sometimes, that joking crosses the line into teasing. I hate being teased, in no small part because I have an older brother who to this day teases me relentlessly. I have had to impress on him more than once that he cannot judge my reaction by non-verbal cues like smiling, because I learned a long time ago that showing my actual reaction - which is to say, getting visibly upset - only makes teasing worse*, and I therefore do things like smile or laugh as a kind of automatic defense mechanism. Spouse and I actually hit a point where I instituted a teasing safeword (my brother's name) to let him know that what he's saying has crossed my boundaries.
And okay, not everyone has that kind of reaction, but there is a lot of pressure on people to play along with "humor" at their expense. I've seen it damn near everywhere, including in fandom when "wank"-mocking became a sport. Any sign of being sincerely bothered by comments, up to and including just correcting factual errors, was seen as a sign that you were taking yourself too seriously and therefore deserved more mockery. (Have I mentioned lately how glad I am that this attitude has at least somewhat shifted?)
My point, though, is that people who tend towards what they see as joking and humor often misinterpret, or are even just flat-out oblivious to, the reactions of the people they're joking at or about. LW may well think that his relationship with his coworker is based on mutual humor. He may also very well be mistaken about the extent to which it really is.
All that is true even before you get into gender dynamics, the male use (consciously or not) of "humor" as a way to depower women, and the social pressure on women to go along to get along.
*I should be clear that it's my siblings who escalate teasing when I show signs of being upset, not my spouse. And I know, I know that my brother is not being intentionally malicious. But he's also asshole-levels of oblivious to other people's feelings.
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And okay, not everyone has that kind of reaction, but there is a lot of pressure on people to play along with "humor" at their expense. I've seen it damn near everywhere, including in fandom when "wank"-mocking became a sport. Any sign of being sincerely bothered by comments, up to and including just correcting factual errors, was seen as a sign that you were taking yourself too seriously and therefore deserved more mockery. (Have I mentioned lately how glad I am that this attitude has at least somewhat shifted?)
My point, though, is that people who tend towards what they see as joking and humor often misinterpret, or are even just flat-out oblivious to, the reactions of the people they're joking at or about. LW may well think that his relationship with his coworker is based on mutual humor. He may also very well be mistaken about the extent to which it really is.
All that is true even before you get into gender dynamics, the male use (consciously or not) of "humor" as a way to depower women, and the social pressure on women to go along to get along.
*I should be clear that it's my siblings who escalate teasing when I show signs of being upset, not my spouse. And I know, I know that my brother is not being intentionally malicious. But he's also asshole-levels of oblivious to other people's feelings.