Every time I set a reasonable health boundary so that I don’t wind up with a condition that has lifetime consequences, somebody calls me controlling.
(In the context of poly relationships, it was an advance agreement of “no new partners who have an incurable STI,” because I’m immune-compromised and could wind up with serious issues from it. More than one partner has been dishonest with me because they wanted to sleep with someone who had herpes.)
And I broke up with my partner of two years during the pandemic, because he insisted on continuing to DJ live dance events in bars (which the CDC lists as a 9/9 highest-risk activity) in June/July/August, when it was clear that he was putting people at risk for doing so (not just the attendees, everyone they encountered afterward.)
Not wanting to get sick or die due to a partner’s irresponsible or dishonest behavior is a reasonable boundary.
The LW has the option of being honest, and it’s entirely possible that they and their partner might break up because of incompatible risk tolerance... but *he has the right to decide what level of risk he is willing to accept, and the LW’s dishonesty is violating his consent.*
In other circumstances, I’d agree that restricting a partner’s socializing would be controlling or abusive, but not in the context of a deadly global pandemic.
no subject
(In the context of poly relationships, it was an advance agreement of “no new partners who have an incurable STI,” because I’m immune-compromised and could wind up with serious issues from it. More than one partner has been dishonest with me because they wanted to sleep with someone who had herpes.)
And I broke up with my partner of two years during the pandemic, because he insisted on continuing to DJ live dance events in bars (which the CDC lists as a 9/9 highest-risk activity) in June/July/August, when it was clear that he was putting people at risk for doing so (not just the attendees, everyone they encountered afterward.)
Not wanting to get sick or die due to a partner’s irresponsible or dishonest behavior is a reasonable boundary.
The LW has the option of being honest, and it’s entirely possible that they and their partner might break up because of incompatible risk tolerance... but *he has the right to decide what level of risk he is willing to accept, and the LW’s dishonesty is violating his consent.*
In other circumstances, I’d agree that restricting a partner’s socializing would be controlling or abusive, but not in the context of a deadly global pandemic.