Ask Amy: I can't even think of a title for this one

[cereta]

Dear Amy: My husband and I are devout Catholics. We have chosen to protect the innocence of our 7-year-old son by not educating him about the "facts of life" until he hits puberty.

We have told him that the Virgin Mary puts a baby on your doorstep if you pray for one. He is in a Catholic school, so we don't have to worry about "sexual education."

My sister knows about our choice, but she does not approve of it. She is pregnant. Recently, she wore a "Baby on Board" T-shirt when visiting.

Our son asked about it, but I did not know what to tell him! What should I do if a problem like this arises in the future?

— Worried Mom

Dear Mom: You could ask your son's teachers or clergy for guidance, but because you're asking me, I'll respond by asking you: Isn't an essential element of the drama of Jesus' birth that he was born of a human mother?

In the biblical version of "Baby on Board," wasn't Mary "great with child" when she and Joseph stumbled into Nazareth?

A baby isn't a newspaper, left on the doorstep by an omnipotent delivery person.

All animals and humans give birth to babies, and even if you don't want to explain how babies are conceived, it is both truthful and religiously defensible to tell your son that babies grow inside their mother's bodies (or "tummies") until they are born. If you want to fabricate the story of how they got there, go for it.

Comments

[cereta]

I...

WOW.

I mean, I thought "God put the baby in mommy's tummy" was a little much, but doorstep delivery?

I had a friend whose parents "protected her innocence" like this. She was molested by a cousin, and didn't even know that what he was doing was sexual.

I went to Catholic school, and while our sex ed didn't start until fifth grade, we got it, and most of us at least knew the basics by then (in no small part because we had younger siblings).

Sorry, I'm flailing all over this one, here.

[havocthecat]

This was painful to read. Absolutely painful.

[later_tuesday]

I'm reminded of that Family Guy episode where Peter goes to the bookstore for a toilet training guide, and the employee shows him the popular 'Everybody poops' but Peter declines saying that he's Catholic.

The Shopkeeper replies, "Oh well, you'll want 'Nobody poops but you and thats concentrated evil coming out your backside'.

Lying about basic bodily functions isn't protecting your kids. It's needless lying, and best case scenario it's still going to screw them up.

[coraa]

This is so out there I'm having trouble even finding words!

But my brain keeps cycling back to pragmatics. I mean, even apart from the fact that it's a monumentally bad idea, how on earth does a body expect to hide all references to pregnant women from somebody until puberty? Not just hiding how they got pregnant, but the simple fact that pregnancy exists? How would you even begin to do that?

As Amy points out, that puts even the Christmas narrative out of reach!

[torachan]

Seriously! Pregnant women exist! Was she just planning on telling him they were all fat? idek

[pensnest]

Amy has more patience than I have, for sure. I'd just want to smack them. Poor kid.

[ct]

Gah. That doesn't even make sense! Apart from what everyone else has already said, what exactly is she planning on telling her son when he does hit puberty? I mean... if Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, all of whom bring good things to your house in the dead of night, are made up... what does it imply about God when the son finds out that God doesn't deliver babies to doorsteps?

I like Amy's answer, though.

[thefourthvine]

My reaction to this one is that, whoa, those parents must be incredibly uncomfortable with every aspect of reproduction, to the point where you wonder how they managed to get to the point of actually having a child. (Even if you adopt, you still have to deal with the reality of sex->pregnancy->babies.) Because, okay, they're talking about "protecting" their son, but, uh, I hear them protecting themselves, from conversations that make them uncomfortable and a reality that does not jibe with their wishes.

I - I kind of wish she'd suggested therapy, here. I really think this is a symptom of a fairly major problem. Even therapy with a priest would be great; every priest I know would give the holy version of "that shit's fucked up" to these parents.

[amadi]

They're such devout Catholics that they've chosen to lie to their kid? I'm pretty sure that's on the list of things that devout Catholics aren't supposed to do.

[maire]

I'm disturbed by the mother's assumption that explicit teaching in school or from parents is the only way her son will learn.

In talks with my three-year-old about human and animal reproduction, it's been pretty clear that she's already coming up with hypotheses based on stuff she hears from other kids, as well as ones derived from her own guesses.

Goodness knows what this seven-year-old boy already thinks!