Parents Strive To Heal Their Youngest Son's Broken Heart

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: My son, a high school senior, was in a relationship with a young woman who broke up with him and began dating his best friend. He was heartbroken. She played him into being friends and tells him he's her best friend, but her actions prove otherwise.

His father and I comforted him as best we could, but he still has feelings for her. It was a tough breakup for him, and he says he can't understand why he feels this way for her. We as parents are having a hard time keeping our opinions to ourselves. We are not happy with him still being around her and try to discourage it as much as possible.

We all attend the same church, from which I've offered to remove myself, but my son says no. We limit the time he gets to be around her, but she has begun flaunting other dates in front of him, which is making it hard for us to be cordial toward her.

How can I help my boy heal his heart and move on? He's my youngest, the last one ready to venture out to college, and I want him to have a fresh start for the new journey. -- HEAVY-HEARTED MOM

DEAR MOM: Some lessons in life people must learn for themselves, and this is one of them. As much as you wish to help your son heal his heart, he's going to have to arrive at the realization that there's more pain than pleasure associated with the girl who rejected him. That is when he will move on, not before.

College will provide him an opportunity to meet new people and cultivate new interests. Being in a new environment will also help. In the meantime, be patient, refrain from saying anything nasty (as tempting as it might be) about his former girlfriend and keep your son as busy as you can.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2363667

Comments

[conuly]

1. This young woman did not "play" your son into being friends. She decided she didn't want to date him, and then they broke up.

1a. I have no idea what "actions" you're talking about - surely you don't expect her to remain chaste for life just because she jilted your boy! - but I'm sure she either a. honestly considers your son her best friend, no matter what you think or b. is trying in an awkward, first-breakup sort of way, to be nice.

2. You all attend the same church, and she and your son are part of the same circle of friends. I'm sure she's not "flaunting" anything. You have got to get a grip.

3. You also have got to, got to, got to stop micromanaging your son. Cut the damn umbilical already! Your son is an adult, or very nearly. You should not be "limiting" his contact with his friends*, "discouraging" him from spending time with them, or otherwise meddling to this extent. Especially when, as you point out, he's heading to college just as soon as it reopens. Get some damn perspective and treat your son like the young man he is, instead of the precious baby you still imagine him to be.

4. Your son's heart will heal on its own timeline - not yours. And it'll heal all the faster if he's allowed to handle this himself.

* except in a very limited number of circumstances, not one of which seems to apply here

[jadelennox]

this. every word of this.

[cereta]

Honest to God, I expected to see the term "friendzone." God how, I loathe that word.

[mommy]

I agree with all of this.

[shirou]

I'm not prepared to make any judgment of the girl's behavior because I think we're getting a biased telling, but one thing is clear: this is the boy's problem, not the boy's mother's. Back off LW. Be there to offer support, comfort, and maybe even advice if and when your son asks for it, but otherwise, let him live his own life.

[lemonsharks]

I'm sorry the son has a mom who immediately jumps into such misogynistic garbage when she feels wronged by a teenaged girl.

Also, why is she mad at the exgf for dating her son's best friend but not the best friend for dating the girl who broke her son's heart, HMM? I think we know why.

[tielan]

The letter got my back up in SO MANY WAYS.

Simple answer: She needs to back off on the Mommy Dearest behaviour. Stop trying to control her son. Stop running down the girl. Stop thinking that she can make everything better for him.

[lannamichaels]

These parents are taking this way too personally.

[minoanmiss]

Dear LW: please send your son to college sooner rather than later so he can get away from your misogynistic punitive philosophies. I know it's hard and angering to see your kid in pain, but people say what they really mean when they're angry, and what you're saying is pretty f'ing horrifying.