Dear Abby: no, it's not funny

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: My husband thinks it's hilarious to sneak up and scare the daylights out of me. I have told him repeatedly that I don't think it's funny and it triggers anxiety attacks, but he won't listen. I enjoy his playful personality, but the startling has to stop. Any suggestions? -- NOT LAUGHING IN GREENVILLE, N.C.

DEAR NOT LAUGHING: Just this: What he's doing is immature and sadistic. Humor at the expense of others isn't "playful" -- it is hostile. Because it is causing anxiety attacks, consult your doctor and let the doctor explain to your husband the reason that what he's doing is a bad idea.

Comments

[minoanmiss]

On the plus side, maybe the doctor's authority will succeed where the love this poor lady's husband have had for her has failed. On the minus, it creeps me out that she has to go this far.

[cereta]

You said it more succinctly that I did ;).

[cereta]

Letters like this raise a whole host of bad memories for me. There were so damn many times I was reduced to tears in childhood by people refusing to listen when I said: this thing you are doing (tickling, teasing) is not just lighthearted fun, but is upsetting and even (in the case of tickling) physically painful to me. I appreciate that advice columnists usually make it clear that recipients of unwanted "jokes" are not obligated to put up with it, but man...the only damn thing her spouse should need to hear is, "I don't like it when you do that; please stop." If he needs a note from her doctor to stop doing something to her that she has told him I don't want him to do, then he's not playful. He's abusive.

[amadi]

Exactly this. But Abby has repeatedly shown herself unwilling to put a label anything that isn't starkly black and white. She routinely underplays abuse and even rape on occasion and consequently advises people on how to stay in appalling situations rather than suggesting even that they talk to someone who can get a better picture of the situation and therefore give better advice.

[ignaz]

DTMFA!

[the_shoshanna]

Seriously. I wanted Abby to advise counseling/professional advice pronto aimed at helping her decide if she wants to stay with this MF.

Or, you know, she could develop hair-trigger reflexes and sock surprise assaulters in the balls. "Oops, sorry, honey! But you do look hilarious DOUBLED OVER GAGGING IN AGONY!"

[eviltammy]

Had a former coworker who had this kind of reaction to someone grabbing her from behind - she hit out hard and never apologized. She'd warned the other staff members about this reaction - and if it was the public, her attitude was 'why the hell are you grabbing me'. I did it once - and had a bruise for several days.