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agonyaunt2019-12-09 05:52 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2019-12-09 05:52 pm
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Care & Feeding: I'mmoving in with a man with a teenage daughter.
Dear Care and Feeding,
I am a woman in my late 20s who has recently become more serious with a man in his late 30s. He has full custody of his 15-year-old daughter. I'm about to move in. What can I do to be a happy addition to their lives? I was an unhappy and rebellious teenager, and I can't begin to imagine how poorly I would've dealt with my dad's girlfriend coming to stay, so I feel as if my own experiences as a teen are not very useful.
Fortunately, I really enjoy his daughter's company, and I think she feels the same way about me. She is kind, cool, and smart. I want to make sure that I contribute to a positive environment and don't overstep any boundaries, and that I am going into this situation fortified with some sage advice. Please help!
—Not Baroness Elsa
Dear NBA,
You're already doing so well! I don't think you need any advice! Do you have any for me?
I think you and your partner and his daughter should sit down at a nice restaurant, the kind adults eat at and children usually do not, and talk as mainly equals about how their household currently runs, what will change as a result of you moving in, and how best to bring it up when things get a bit off-course. That may mean setting a standard check-in once every week or two, just to say "We should buy more bananas because now we're going through bananas more quickly" or "It's fine if you borrow my sweaters—just ask first," etc.
The simple fact that you are asking me how to make this transition as easy and pleasant for your partner's daughter as possible suggests you are going to do splendidly.
Also, the Baroness had some points.
—Nicole
I am a woman in my late 20s who has recently become more serious with a man in his late 30s. He has full custody of his 15-year-old daughter. I'm about to move in. What can I do to be a happy addition to their lives? I was an unhappy and rebellious teenager, and I can't begin to imagine how poorly I would've dealt with my dad's girlfriend coming to stay, so I feel as if my own experiences as a teen are not very useful.
Fortunately, I really enjoy his daughter's company, and I think she feels the same way about me. She is kind, cool, and smart. I want to make sure that I contribute to a positive environment and don't overstep any boundaries, and that I am going into this situation fortified with some sage advice. Please help!
—Not Baroness Elsa
Dear NBA,
You're already doing so well! I don't think you need any advice! Do you have any for me?
I think you and your partner and his daughter should sit down at a nice restaurant, the kind adults eat at and children usually do not, and talk as mainly equals about how their household currently runs, what will change as a result of you moving in, and how best to bring it up when things get a bit off-course. That may mean setting a standard check-in once every week or two, just to say "We should buy more bananas because now we're going through bananas more quickly" or "It's fine if you borrow my sweaters—just ask first," etc.
The simple fact that you are asking me how to make this transition as easy and pleasant for your partner's daughter as possible suggests you are going to do splendidly.
Also, the Baroness had some points.
—Nicole
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