(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was talking to a new friend, and during our mostly pleasant conversation, she started comparing herself and her life to characters in old movies. I don’t know if she realized it, but some of her references were outright racist. She doesn’t come off as a racist person, but wanting a house and life like that in “Gone With the Wind,” where the plantation Tara was considered a prize, reeks of our racist past. To long for a time and a home that required the labor of slaves is horrific to me. I didn’t say anything to her, but I wonder if I should. I like this woman and wonder if she is so lost in her dream that she doesn’t realize the context that would allow it to exist. -- Teachable Moment

DEAR TEACHABLE MOMENT: If you care about this woman and believe that she might be able to hear your observations, make time to talk to her face-to-face. Tell her that you were thinking about her comments about wanting a property and life like Tara, and it was offensive to you. Explain to her that you know she was fantasizing, but point out that her fantasy is reliant upon a lifestyle that required the enslavement of other people. Since your friend loves old movies, remind her that “Gone With the Wind” was set during the Civil War and Reconstruction, times in our culture that were woefully unfair to many citizens.

https://www.uexpress.com/sense-and-sensitivity/2019/11/27/1/friend-wants-to-pull-daughter-from

Comments

[conuly]

Save yourselves, don't read the comments to the article at uexpress.

[tielan]

I probably would have lightly said "well, except for the part where you own people like property and there's a war ostensibly being fought over whether that's okay" back when the fantasy first came up, but I am That Person who will politely puncture someone's white supremacist fantasy about Lyfe In Ye Olden Dayze.

Given that LW didn't say anything the first time, maybe they could keep an ear out, and the next time something like that comes up, gently point out the inherent bigotry of the new friend's perspectives. For someone like this, it's never just limited to a fantasy where she's the lady of the manor with slaves to attend on her every whim; there's a mindset behind it and it will come out in other ways over the course of LW's relationship with her.

[melannen]

...in theory, this advice is good.

In practice, putting it the way this advice does is basically designed to make her defensive and refuse to listen to you ever again (ETA as evidenced by the comments, which you are right, I should not have read). If the goal was to express your emotions at her, then it's fine, you're allowed to do that, but if you actually want to help out a friend, maybe put it more gently than "your dreams are offensive to me personally". Maybe something more like "It is nice to dream about having that kind of glamour, but I myself can never get past the horror that lurks in the background of those kinds of settings." And see where it goes.

[minoanmiss]

Mirabile visu, I agree with Harriette (at least somewhat). I wouldn't use those phrasings, though.