redbird: closeup of me drinking tea, in a friend's kitchen (Default)
Redbird ([personal profile] redbird) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt 2019-11-13 08:14 pm (UTC)

Or, if the letters are confidential, write one that says something like "My sister and her husband very much want a child. However, I think they're offering more than they might actually be able to give, and in particular I don't think they'd be good parents for a child of a different race."

That's a harm minimization approach: maybe they'll still be allowed to adopt, but a child they'd be more capable of taking good care of.

LW could also write a letter praising their sister, and saying of the brother-in-law only a bare fact like "he's been married to my sister since $year"--with the hope that they'll read between the lines of what isn't said.

I also have some doubts about LW, who says "never seen him offer to help out with any domestic chores," with the implication that household maintenance, cooking, etc. are women's job, but a husband should help out some, and a really supportive man will occasionally volunteer.

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