agonyaunt | (no subject)

DEAR ABBY: One of my close friends' 37-year-old daughter was recently married. One hundred and fifty people were invited to her wedding, and I was not one of them. I sent a gift to the bride and groom before the wedding. We have been neighbors and close friends of her parents for 25 years. Needless to say, I am hurt.

My friend keeps sharing all the particulars and photos with me, which I gush over, but she doesn't realize my heart is broken. I thought we were the best of friends. She has other close friends, and I know them too. They were all at the wedding. I am sad and clueless about why I was snubbed, and I can't get over it. Help! -- HURTING INSIDE

DEAR HURTING: It was not your friend's wedding you were eliminated from but her daughter's. If there were 150 guests, half may have come from the groom's side -- friends, relatives, etc. Also, the happy couple may have wanted to include their own contemporaries. Level with your neighbor about how you feel and ask why you were left off the guest list. You may not have been snubbed at all.

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No, I can say that! (-: I'm sticking to my "clueless at the least", because if the friend has no idea if "the LW is super into weddings", then she's sharing every damned little detail with LW because she's conveniently there and not because she thinks LW would simply looooove hearing every detail of Wedding Madness--I call that being a user, and a total bore, and so not worth the LW being so hurt over. (My predisposition: if someone is feeling left out and utterly alone, I am their champion--I can't help it--I sucked at team sports and musical chairs as a child.) But I agree the friend has no idea how much the LW is feeling hurt, probably. Unless the friend is totally savvy and an uber-sadist having the time of her life--you never know.

It's normal to talk about big things that are going on in your life. Talking about the daughter's wedding to her friends is pretty normal. No one has to be super into weddings to do that. Clearly you can't imagine the LW being unreasonable, but I'm pretty sure that most people do not care as much as the LW does and it's not on the friend to be psychic and know that the LW is so hurt by this terrible, terrible slight and never wants to hear a word about the wedding.

LW says: My friend keeps sharing all the particulars and photos with me

I interpret that as the friend being super into weddings, even if it's just this one. And it sounds like the friend is sharing a lot. All we have is the LW's words here to interpret.

Clearly you can't imagine the LW being unreasonable

Whoah there! Don't underestimate my imagination. Them's fighting words, pardner.

Honestly, I don't care what is "normal" or what most people care about. If you do, that's fine.

The worst case scenario, to me, is that the friend never even thought they were very close - so much so that it doesn't occur to her LW may have expected to be invited. In that case it's not cruel or even insensitive, it's just sharing a happy thing with a neighbor you're very friendly with. I find that option really sad, but it is possible.