It would have helped for the LW to give more information. I can see LW assuming Amy had all the info--it's easy to overlook that other people don't know something
And that's why I have sympathy with the mother and in-laws. This is an ongoing problem of his--sharing info. I suspect he is used to his wife taking the lead, but she was dealing with days of a difficult labor, so that it would be the right thing for her to be concerned about no one but herself and her baby.
EDIT:<I read this wrong--I read the LW's "few days ago", as if it took them a few days to get home. I don't know what the time frame is, or that the parents' had any idea of when the baby is due, so if they even knew the couple had gone to the hospital. So my reading below is contingent on the mother knowing there was something going on to worry about and that it was days before LW contacted them. If this is not the case, then LW's mother is being demanding, but LW is still irresponsible--a good dysfunctional dyad.
It shouldn't have taken LW days to text or email the parents that the baby is born and fine, and the mother is under observation and safe but totally exhausted, and keep his wife from having to deal with it, because this should be his small contribution. His wife is probably protecting him in making the decision joint or agreeing to it being joint, and she shouldn't have to be dealing with his crap now at all, when interceding with their family should be his job at this time of her horrible labor. Unless of course, she likes the control of being LW's mom and having a little boy for a husband along with the new baby, and it's worth it to her to be in charge of all the work for this control. (paging my mom right now) I think this is what Amy was trying to convey in putting quotes around his "excuse".
The grandparents must have been worried and scared shitless for those few days they didn't hear anything after the baby was born and the danger past. So I think LW was pretty irresponsible to make them wait days still feeling the fear that he was feeling before the birth. He needs to grow the hell up fast. For all I know they are feeling appropriately joyful about the baby, but also taking some time to get over the extra few days they were left in fear that things had gone very badly with the pregnancy. You don't get over that kind of fear, and then finding it was unnecessary, that quickly. Whether he learned it from his parents or not, the LW seems good at making everyone share the pain, so even if the grandparents happen to be functional and supportive parents, they're dealing with some complicated feelings right now, too, and I'd give them a little room for not having all their priorities straight yet. Conveying to them it wasn't a deliberate act to leave them out doesn't matter--they were left in fear waiting to hear from him and he let them down. But I think Amy is right to direct LW into dealing with the adult role of responsible communicator (that he foisted into a "we" to protect his delicate little self) instead of how to explain away his lack of communicating to the parents and in-laws as he asks.
no subject
It would have helped for the LW to give more information. I can see LW assuming Amy had all the info--it's easy to overlook that other people don't know something
And that's why I have sympathy with the mother and in-laws. This is an ongoing problem of his--sharing info. I suspect he is used to his wife taking the lead, but she was dealing with days of a difficult labor, so that it would be the right thing for her to be concerned about no one but herself and her baby.
EDIT:< I read this wrong--I read the LW's "few days ago", as if it took them a few days to get home. I don't know what the time frame is, or that the parents' had any idea of when the baby is due, so if they even knew the couple had gone to the hospital. So my reading below is contingent on the mother knowing there was something going on to worry about and that it was days before LW contacted them. If this is not the case, then LW's mother is being demanding, but LW is still irresponsible--a good dysfunctional dyad.
It shouldn't have taken LW days to text or email the parents that the baby is born and fine, and the mother is under observation and safe but totally exhausted, and keep his wife from having to deal with it, because this should be his small contribution. His wife is probably protecting him in making the decision joint or agreeing to it being joint, and she shouldn't have to be dealing with his crap now at all, when interceding with their family should be his job at this time of her horrible labor. Unless of course, she likes the control of being LW's mom and having a little boy for a husband along with the new baby, and it's worth it to her to be in charge of all the work for this control. (paging my mom right now) I think this is what Amy was trying to convey in putting quotes around his "excuse".
The grandparents must have been worried and scared shitless for those few days they didn't hear anything after the baby was born and the danger past. So I think LW was pretty irresponsible to make them wait days still feeling the fear that he was feeling before the birth. He needs to grow the hell up fast. For all I know they are feeling appropriately joyful about the baby, but also taking some time to get over the extra few days they were left in fear that things had gone very badly with the pregnancy. You don't get over that kind of fear, and then finding it was unnecessary, that quickly. Whether he learned it from his parents or not, the LW seems good at making everyone share the pain, so even if the grandparents happen to be functional and supportive parents, they're dealing with some complicated feelings right now, too, and I'd give them a little room for not having all their priorities straight yet. Conveying to them it wasn't a deliberate act to leave them out doesn't matter--they were left in fear waiting to hear from him and he let them down. But I think Amy is right to direct LW into dealing with the adult role of responsible communicator (that he foisted into a "we" to protect his delicate little self) instead of how to explain away his lack of communicating to the parents and in-laws as he asks.