Dear Abby: My "friend" is doing something I don't approve of

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: May I have some advice about a touchy subject? One of my boyfriend's close friends is going through his third bout with cancer and the prognosis is not good. He is married with a healthy 3-year-old son. So imagine our surprise when his wife announced she's pregnant.

This is a decision we do not support. I don't know what they're thinking, but if you are facing the reality that your spouse will not be around much longer, we don't feel it is wise to bring another child into the world who will never know his or her father.

Some of her close friends want to throw her a "sprinkle," and although I am only an acquaintance, I have been invited. How do I handle this? Should I attend and keep my thoughts to myself, decline and/or send a small gift in my absence? I have a hard time making small talk about subjects I don't agree with.

Did I mention she does nothing but complain about how hard her life is now? I'm afraid if I go and get involved, I'll be on the hook down the road when she wants to complain about how hard it is to raise two children alone. -- ISN'T MY CHOICE

DEAR ISN'T: Feeling as you do, decline the invitation. This woman needs friends around her during this painful and traumatic time, and you do not qualify. To send a small gift would be both thoughtful and kind, because I am sure her life is extremely difficult now.

As to this couple having made a decision with which you do not agree, allow me to point out that not all pregnancies are planned, and this may be one of them.

Comments

[cereta]

Dear "Isn't My Choice":

Consider taking your name to heart. If you can't keep your judgmental crap to yourself, do this woman a favor and take yourself out of her life.

BTW, my father was very healthy when he and my mother had my younger siblings. He died before they were five from a very rapid fight with cancer. There are no fucking guarantees in life, and almost everyone who has children also has someone who disapproves of their circumstances, their timing, the number of children they have, the way they add to their family, or some other crap that lets someone else feel superior. If this woman is such a burden on your time and your scant supply of compassion, then just take yourself out of her life. You'll both be better off for it.

[inlovewithnight]

I can't imagine why a woman whose husband has gone through cancer three times and has a healthy (and therefore presumably active and destructive) three-year-old would complain about how hard her life is. Wow.

[recessional]

What other commenters said to start with, plus: the woman's already pregnant. This isn't a decision she's making, it's a decision she's MADE. The time in which anyone's opinions could change that is past. So what the fuck is the point of doing anything but not being an asshole?

Ugh. People.

[hunningham]

Also covered on that bad advice which is my favourite advice blog ever.

And really, what happens to make people act like this?