Wow. A letter that neatly encapsulates Why Lucy Can Never Win In Discussions of Infertility. (I'm adopted, and used fertility science to conceive.) I do kind of wince at the particular wording LW used with her sister-in-law, but I can understand why she said it, and even kind of agree with the sentiment. There was a loony on Ye Olde Booj who was so insistent that family=DNA that she swore that if she found out that her child were not her biological child, she would completely lose any interest in her, and I'm not exaggerating. I'd say I was skeptical that this would really happen, but she's a Randian sociopath, so who knows? I do think, know, actually, that a lot of families come around once that baby is there, but I would understand if LW or her husband didn't want to take that chance.

I think cutting the family off, whether temporarily or forever, is more than reasonable, here, and definitely not the LW's "fault."