I disagree a little with the inappropriateness of encouraging a kid to lie to their parents as a blanket statement--most of the time it's a solid take, but I think it's important to teach kids to value their safety over complete honesty with their progenitors and to learn that some things are none of their parents' business.
If a queer kid I know needs my help lying to their parents I will not only encourage but aid and abet them. If I know a kid whose parents are fighting their right to an abortion, I will happily drive them across state lines or give them crash space and money to achieve that, and I'll gladly help cover for them when they get home. That's safety stuff. If a kid in my life wants to go to a Quaker meeting but thinks their jerk atheist dad is going to emotionally abuse them for it, I think it's reasonable for the kid to tell them they were at the library getting cozy with Richard Dawkins' Greatest Hits, instead. Safety comes before parents' hurt feelings, and if parents like the above don't like it then they should try sucking less.
None of their business scenarios are harder. Like ... say Youngest Child has celiac disease. the entire family is gluten free both in solidarity with YC and because it's easier to avoid cross-contamination at home that way. Parents REALLY push the solidarity angle, though, and scold or judge their other children for eating the occasional glutenous doughnut. It is absolutely none of their business whether Older Child uses his babysitting money to go to town on a chowder bread bowl and sandwich at Panera, assuming he washes up thoroughly before removing toys, et al, from YC's mouth.
Similarly, I think a gift from honorary grandma to her adult adoptive grandson is none of his dad's business, and that this is a really good point in time for grandson to learn that he isn't obligated to share everything about his life with his parents.
In practice it's harder, but I think a good compromise would be paying any/all student loans/credit cards grandson accrues while he's in college after he either graduates or quits so he can start his postgrad life debt-free, while sending a chunky gift card someplace fun every couple of months while he's in school.
no subject
If a queer kid I know needs my help lying to their parents I will not only encourage but aid and abet them. If I know a kid whose parents are fighting their right to an abortion, I will happily drive them across state lines or give them crash space and money to achieve that, and I'll gladly help cover for them when they get home. That's safety stuff. If a kid in my life wants to go to a Quaker meeting but thinks their jerk atheist dad is going to emotionally abuse them for it, I think it's reasonable for the kid to tell them they were at the library getting cozy with Richard Dawkins' Greatest Hits, instead. Safety comes before parents' hurt feelings, and if parents like the above don't like it then they should try sucking less.
None of their business scenarios are harder. Like ... say Youngest Child has celiac disease. the entire family is gluten free both in solidarity with YC and because it's easier to avoid cross-contamination at home that way. Parents REALLY push the solidarity angle, though, and scold or judge their other children for eating the occasional glutenous doughnut. It is absolutely none of their business whether Older Child uses his babysitting money to go to town on a chowder bread bowl and sandwich at Panera, assuming he washes up thoroughly before removing toys, et al, from YC's mouth.
Similarly, I think a gift from honorary grandma to her adult adoptive grandson is none of his dad's business, and that this is a really good point in time for grandson to learn that he isn't obligated to share everything about his life with his parents.
In practice it's harder, but I think a good compromise would be paying any/all student loans/credit cards grandson accrues while he's in college after he either graduates or quits so he can start his postgrad life debt-free, while sending a chunky gift card someplace fun every couple of months while he's in school.