Molar Mayhem

[conuly]

Dear Annie: Recently, I stayed with my niece and nephew while my brother and his wife took a trip. This seems like a trivial problem, but I know it can lead to serious health issues in the long run. Neither of my brother's teenaged kids brushed their teeth regularly. I reminded them often, but they found ways to wiggle out of it. One was even running the electric toothbrush outside of his mouth -- so I would think he was brushing his teeth. When I went into the bathroom afterward, the electric toothbrush was bone dry. His sister later told me about that trick.

I asked my brother about this, and he said they've tried for years to get the kids to brush their teeth more consistently. They gave them excellent electric toothbrushes and set a great example of brushing at least twice a day themselves. If they try to watch the kids brushing, it turns into a huge fight every time. They've spent hundreds of dollars on dental care as a result. They're at a loss as to what to do. The kids understand it's important but just don't care enough to change their habits. Of course, they do not realize the long-term damage they may be doing, including dangers of infection and disease.

Anything I can do to help them? We're very close, so my brother and his wife would not see it as butting in. They'd welcome a solution. -- Brushless in Baton Rouge

Dear Brushless: While this may seem like a molehill of a problem now, a mountain of plaque buildup on your niece's and nephew's teeth is a huge problem. This is a fight worth fighting. Since they are teenagers, explain to them the diseases and long-term damage that they are at risk of if they fail to brush their teeth. Showing them actual pictures of decayed teeth, while disturbing to look at, could be powerful motivators. Being upfront about the cost of the dental work, and what their family could have spent money on instead -- vacation, shopping, extracurricular activities -- might have them see the impact of their poor dental hygiene in a new way, too.

Perhaps your brother and his wife could try incentives or rewards for completed brushings. It takes roughly two months to form a good habit. So, when setting the reward, have that goal in mind. When they do brush their teeth or get a good cleaning, take a moment to point out just how good it feels to be clean and taking care of your body. Naturally, as humans, we like to be clean.

Also, continue to have their dentist talk to your niece and nephew about the importance of dental hygiene.

Comments

[conuly]

I kinda think that if the kids, who are teenagers, are at the point where they fight with their parents about toothbrushing and fake brushing their teeth then the problem is bigger than can be cured with more lectures. How about you ask them why they don't brush their teeth, listen to the answer, and then try to find a cure?

(My guess is sensory issues, in which case I'd recommend the kids be evaluated to see if occupational therapy can help. Alternatively, google can get you started with suggestions while you try to wrangle insurance to cover this.)

Also, all the commenters at Arcamax are framing this as "the kids are disrespectful, they need to learn to obey, you should punish them in some painful or embarrassing way until they shape up" which is not a solution to this problem. God, I'd like to smack all those people with a dead fish until they shape up.

[eva_rosen]

Tell their parents to take the dentist's fee from their allowance. They'll brush.

[lemonsharks]

I also jumped to sensory issues because dang that looks like sensory issues. (I did not like the taste of toothpaste growing up or how it got all foamy.)

[mommy]

It's worth asking the teens why they don't want to brush their teeth. If it's something as simple as hating the tingly taste/feel of mint toothpaste, then switching to a cinnamon flavored or baking soda based toothpaste might fix the problem.

[melannen]

Yep. I reached a ridiculously high age before it occurred to me that maybe most people don't find tooth brushing actively painful and otherwise unpleasant, and maybe it was sensory issues and I could fix it and regular brushing suddenly got a lot easier.

For me the fix was actually changing when I brushed, because right after or right before meals set off the sensory issues extra bad, and doing it before bed sent enough of a jolt through me that I couldn't get to sleep afterward. (Also: I had to wait until I was out of braces long enough to associate my teeth with anything other than pain and discomfort, ever.)

And of course all my family's efforts were around enforcing a routine at one of the times that made it worse, and it never occurred to me that I had options other than "follow the family routine" or "never brush your teeth ever". So maybe try working with them around timing and other options (like non-mint or tablet toothpaste or other kinds of brushes.)

(There's also been science lately that shows that things like 'brush after every meal' that have been common knowledge maybe aren't as good ideas as we thought they were, so be flexible - 'brush sometimes' ought to be the first goal.)

...that said if they've made it to teenagerhood and you're at the "they fake it to make people stop trying to force them" stage, you may just be better off backing off and waiting until there's been less conflict for awhile. That is the age at which they know that nothing you suggest will work, because nothing you have suggested has ever worked before, so why would it work now. And not brushing isn't something that will kill them tomorrow. They have time to learn.

[eleanorjane]

Also, I'm pretty sure that 'showing them the consequences' isn't going to make a lick of difference, because (most) teenagers will intellectually accept that X behaviour can lead to Y consequence, but not that it will happen to them personally. Teenagers know they're bulletproof.

[terrio]

The first thing that came to my mind is that it's not about the tooth-brushing at all, but a way to assert some degree of control over their lives. I wonder what the family dynamic is outside this one issue?

[ambyr]

They gave them excellent electric toothbrushes and set a great example of brushing at least twice a day themselves.

My immediate reaction to this--as someone who finds the sound of electric toothbrushes agonizing--is, "Has anyone tried giving them normal boring toothbrushes instead?"

[chiasmata]

For all those suggesting ‘just ask why they won’t brush’, that’s... not how teenagers work. Sure, ask away, but I’d be surprised if you got a useful answer.