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Co-worker ponders being terrible about race
Dear Amy: The other day a woman I work with brought her 8-month-old grandson around the office. He was a charming, lovely boy, and she was obviously very proud to show him off.
But there's one thing I'm struggling with. My co-worker, who is white, had mentioned to me that her grandson's mother is black.
Hey, I'm from the Caribbean and we've always had a much more relaxed attitude toward racial mixing. I'm biracial, myself.
The parents of this baby are unmarried and just out of high school, but I don't judge them.
What I'm struggling with is that this child doesn't look biracial at all. He is very dark skinned. Nobody back home would believe for a second that this child has a white parent. But people in America don't seem to be as savvy as we are about these things.
I don't know this woman's son, and am definitely not in any position to suggest a paternity test. But I feel like saying nothing might not be right, either.
I'd hate for this young man to be stuck caring for a child that isn't his, even if I don't know him.
Am I terrible for even thinking this?
-- Worried
Dear Worried: Um, yes -- you're pretty terrible.
Thinking is one thing -- nobody can police your thoughts. But yes, speculating on the race or DNA parentage of a baby you've met exactly once is at the very least terrible-adjacent. I hope you'll keep your thoughts to yourself.
I know African Americans who are fair skinned and freckled. I have biracial family members who are dark skinned, while their siblings are fair.
Your co-worker might be white, but her son might be biracial (you don't mention his race).
Your Caribbean heritage or racial identity does not make you an arbiter of how other people identify.
In short, stop. This is absolutely none of your business.
But there's one thing I'm struggling with. My co-worker, who is white, had mentioned to me that her grandson's mother is black.
Hey, I'm from the Caribbean and we've always had a much more relaxed attitude toward racial mixing. I'm biracial, myself.
The parents of this baby are unmarried and just out of high school, but I don't judge them.
What I'm struggling with is that this child doesn't look biracial at all. He is very dark skinned. Nobody back home would believe for a second that this child has a white parent. But people in America don't seem to be as savvy as we are about these things.
I don't know this woman's son, and am definitely not in any position to suggest a paternity test. But I feel like saying nothing might not be right, either.
I'd hate for this young man to be stuck caring for a child that isn't his, even if I don't know him.
Am I terrible for even thinking this?
-- Worried
Dear Worried: Um, yes -- you're pretty terrible.
Thinking is one thing -- nobody can police your thoughts. But yes, speculating on the race or DNA parentage of a baby you've met exactly once is at the very least terrible-adjacent. I hope you'll keep your thoughts to yourself.
I know African Americans who are fair skinned and freckled. I have biracial family members who are dark skinned, while their siblings are fair.
Your co-worker might be white, but her son might be biracial (you don't mention his race).
Your Caribbean heritage or racial identity does not make you an arbiter of how other people identify.
In short, stop. This is absolutely none of your business.
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