Abby's usual bullshit about weight

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old plus-sized woman (60 or 70 pounds overweight), but very comfortable in my own skin. When swimming in public, I wear a one-piece bathing suit because it doesn't attract a lot of attention. When I'm home, I have a bikini top and shorts I prefer to wear. This is because I don't like being covered up like it was in the 1950s, and I feel good when my curves are properly accentuated.

When I go back to see my family and swim, I wear a bikini top and black shorts. Recently, my mother said, "When the family comes over, you can't wear that. It makes people uncomfortable."

I was shocked, and we had a huge argument. Most of my cousins are fine with my attire, as are my aunts. Only Mom has a problem with it. I asked if she'd feel the same about a large man swimming without a T-shirt. She said it's different for women.

Am I wrong for wanting to be comfortable in my childhood home? Mom should be proud to have a daughter who accepts herself as she is. Who is wrong here? -- OFFENDED DAUGHTER IN CHICAGO

DEAR OFFENDED DAUGHTER: You are not wrong for wanting to be comfortable. But please remember that when you visit someone else's home, that person's wishes take precedence -- even if it used to be your childhood home.

While you say you are comfortable in your own skin, it would be interesting to know what your physician thinks about your obesity. I suspect that your mother would be prouder of you if you were less complacent and more willing to do something about your weight problem.

Comments

[cereta]

Dear Abby: You know what? I don't even have a polite way to say this. Fuck you. FUCK you. My mother has been known to nag me about my weight, but even she has never suggested that her pride in me is based on how much I fucking weigh. Strangely, she seems more concerned with things like my compassion and my achievements and my determination and other things like that. If I had a parent whose pride in me was diminished by my choice not to deprive myself of enough calories to carry out my day or to lose weight I would only gain back, I would go right past what I wore to not seeing that parent any more than I had to. And I am usually to last person to suggest cutting family off.

So, one last time, fuck you.

[korafox]

What. WHAT.
I have not the words. That is cruel and malicious and I hope to gods the letter writer somehow manages not to receive notice of the reply.

[cereta]

Seriously, I've seen Abby completely fail to answer a question in her zeal to make sure that no one ever believes that eating the occasional chocolate bar or not exercising 24/7 is morally acceptable, but this is the first time I've seen her actually suggest that parents could or should withhold approval based on weight.

[korafox]

Not only that, she's falling all over herself to make up information that isn't in the original letter--talking about the LW's "weight problem" when I'm pretty sure Abby isn't a medical doctor who's consulted for her and has any idea what the state of her health is.

[minoanmiss]

Oh my God, I want to write this woman and praise her for her self-possession.

And wow, Dear Abby, you redefine being wrong.

[zulu]

Wow, yeah, castigating someone who is apparently a regular swimmer for not being healthy? Such fail.

[naath]

But please remember that when you visit someone else's home, that person's wishes take precedence

Yeah... no. It's their pool, so they *do* get to set rules like "no nudity" or "no food" or I guess even "everyone must wear modest swimwear". But rules that differ based on your weight are not AT ALL the same thing. Rock the bikini, if that's what you want to wear.

[delphi]

"It would be interesting to know" - ugh.