Dear Abby: Who's in the dressing room?

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: Since when has it been considered OK for women to be in men's dressing rooms in department stores? I have seen a lot of this during the last year.

I'm not a prude, and I understand that most men change in private booths, shielded from view of strangers. Still, I am disturbed when I come out of the smaller booth and find women hanging around in the dressing room.

In many cases, I have heard women actually IN the booths with men who are getting dressed, giggling -- or, even more annoying, shouting out orders about sizes, styles, etc. Men are not allowed in women's dressing rooms.

When I have expressed my concern to salesclerks, they look at me like I'm crazy. Am I the only one who thinks women do not belong in men's dressing rooms? -- CIVILIZED SHOPPER

DEAR SHOPPER: I don't know how long it has been between shopping trips for you, but your thinking is outdated. Today some stores have unisex dressing rooms, and men's and women's departments employ both male and female sales associates. It is not unusual for couples to shop together -- and if something doesn't fit, for the spouse to go and find something in the correct size.

While you may not be the only one who thinks women don't belong in men's dressing rooms, I believe you are in the minority.

Comments

[cereta]

I'm posting this because I'm kind of curious what people think. I doubt I could drag my spouse into a women's dressing room with a backhoe, but I can't say I'd be too fussed about a man coming in to help his companion look for a size or something. I've always assumed that the "privacy" of a dressing room only exists in the individual booth.

[eleanorjane]

Yeah. I mean, I've never really thought about it, but as soon as you're out of the booth you're in the "public eye" anyway, and assuming there's only going to be specific (sorts of) people there to see it seems to be asking for trouble.

[berneynator]

In my store, the fitting room was an open area with mirrored walls. There were a few private stalls in the back, but most people changed out in the main area. In that case, men were definitely not allowed in - we had one single stall in the opposite corner of the store, in the middle of the men's section. It should be noted that my store sold a vast majority of women's clothing, with a small corner for men's items. That, though, is probably not the circumstance the letter writer is thinking of.

I think if a dressing room is explicitly a women's room, and there is also a men's room, then the person should get dressed and come out if they want their companion to see it. It seems to me that a lot of stores don't have gender-segregated fitting rooms, though. A lot of large, department-style stores will have a fitting room in an area with only men's or women's clothing, so I imagine those tend to be mostly used by their expected target. But as long as there are private stalls it shouldn't matter too much. However, as a fitting room attendant we weren't supposed to let multiple people share a booth, which seems to be part of the letter writer's concern. Finally it's probably going to come down to a particular store's fitting room policies.

[madripoor_rose]

Granted I live in a backwater, but I've never seen a man in a women's dressing room. It's like a locker room, the opposite sex do not belong unless they're too young to be on their own. Of course, most of the dressing rooms at our malls are on the rundown side, and I've been in lots of booths where the latch doesn't work and sometimes the door will swing open by itself. Not to mention we get crowds of tweenage girls shopping together who'll pop in and out of each other's booths to check out things or trade items, stripped to bra and panties.

So without thinking about it too deeply, I'd be uncomfortable with it, and kind of side-eyeing a guy's real motives for coming into an area full of women who are going to be half-dressed, and how often they might 'accidently' open the wrong door.

[recessional]

I don't think I have ever been in a place that had specific "men's" and "women's" dressing rooms.

[azurelunatic]

I might be surprised, but I can't find it in me to get annoyed. Except perhaps at unnecessary shouting in a public place, which could possibly be alleviated by coming into the booth and conversing face to face, rather than through the door.

Edit: That's assuming that the person is behaving themselves and not comporting themselves in the sort of skeevy manner that suggests that they are in there for All The Wrong Reasons.

[likeaduck]

1. As someone who had spent a decent amount of time trying on clothes in the "men's" section while perceived as female, and now spends a lot of time trying on stuff from the "women's" section while perceived as male, rules about what genders of humans could be in which changerooms would make my life a lot more complicated.

2. More generally, rules of that variety tend draw unwanted attention or worse on trans* and gender-nonconforming folks.

3. For folks bringing up the idea of men perving on folks in the changerooms, I think it's seriously unproductive to treat harassment etc. as a gender problem rather than a problematic behaviour.

[vass]

Often when I've tried on bras or bathing suits, the saleswoman herself will ask me to come out and show her. I've only had that happen in stores for women's clothes, but yeah, I'd be less than comfortable if there were men around for that. And there isn't room for someone to come into the booth to check that out.

OTOH, I can't help noticing that we're all talking about men in the women's area, but the LW's question is actually about the reverse, women in the men's area.

[delphi]

As a woman who mostly wears clothing from the men's department, I've actually always wondered about this. My local department store has men and women's clothes on different floors, and I've gotten mixed signals from the sales staff - and varying reactions from other customers. Up until now I've opted to take my stuff down to the women's dressing rooms and then back up to pay, but given that 1) I certainly wouldn't care if men were changing in the rooms on the women's floor or hanging out with their significant others/friends/family members, and 2) Abby is usually comfortably behind the curve on these things, I might brave the men's dressing room next time.

...this might actually be the very first piece of Dear Abby advice I've ever read that is remotely relevant to my life.