Social Q's: Graduate Thesis

[inlovewithnight]

I am a recent college graduate. At my parents’ suggestion, I contacted a much older family friend about a job. I am interested in a field where he is held in high regard. He agreed to write a letter of recommendation, but said he needed to meet with me a few times. At our first meeting, he made a blatant pass. I was embarrassed and left abruptly. Later, he let me know he would write the letter, but made no mention of what had transpired. I’m torn: I’ll feel like a whore if I take his help, but if I don’t, my parents will ask questions. What should I do?

Anonymous

It’s stomach-turning when people try to use power to their advantage, but it happens every day. So let’s get real. The family friend was always going to write the letter, pass or no pass. That’s the way family friends work. And being a “whore,” in this case, would involve a great deal more than suffering an unwanted advance. Why punish yourself? If we only took recommendations from saints, we wouldn’t have many to show our prospective employers.

It’s a tough job market out there. And though the old guy was way off-base, he wasn’t your boss and didn’t condition his letter on your responding to his pass, either. If his name will open a few doors for you, let him knock. You don’t have to see him again. (In fact, make sure that you don’t.)

[source]

Comments

[inlovewithnight]

I'm not totally sure what I think of this advice. It's definitely practical and addresses the reality of the current job market where you need whatever advantage you can get. On the other hand, just writing off sexual harassment as the cost of doing business doesn't sit right with me.

[cinco]

I agree. Personally, I'd have told my parents what happened and refused to have anything more to do with the family friend ever again, tough job market or no.

[abbylee]

Plus, if this student's parents are anything like mine, I'd spend the rest of my life being told I'm beholden to him for writing me that reference. I might take the reference, but either way, I'd tell my parents exactly what happened. And I'd keep in mind that other folks might be aware of his behavior and consider his reference tainted for people of a specific age and/or gender.