Ask Carolyn Hax: This co-worker is rewarded for European-style slacking off

[conuly]

DEAR CAROLYN: I work in an extremely demanding job that has always expected late nights, overtime, uncompensated work on the weekends, and basically a commitment to make it one of the most important things in your life.

It’s a charity organization that I deeply agree with, and I have always made that commitment happily.

A new hire started at the firm recently who doesn’t. It drives me to distraction to see “Pat” swan out of the office at half five, never answer emails until arriving at work, and rarely work through lunch. On occasion, when we have an emergency project on short notice, Pat will chip in with the rest of us, but not often. Pat admits to not understanding our commitment to the job and says it’s different in Europe (where Pat is from), where they “work to live.”

It would be annoying if Pat did this and was failing, but Pat’s work is consistently praised by our boss and Pat is in line for a promotion.

Is this person just so efficient that working hours are enough for what it takes me sleepless nights to do? Or have I just been pointlessly running in this hamster wheel expecting someone to see how much I love my job?

Hamster

DEAR HAMSTER: That darn Pat, committing flagrant acts of sanity.

Is that really why you work for free — “expecting someone to see how much I love my job”? As in, giving your power to the boss?

If so, then please see Pat as a living flick to the forehead. And a role model.

Maybe start with waiting till you get into the office to start work. Then move on to a firm departure time. If you typically leave around 8 p.m., then choose 7:30 p.m., then 7, etc., backing your way into a life outside of the office. Watch for workplace consequences, adjust schedule accordingly, repeat.

In the hours you free up, read articles on human productivity, especially in desk jobs. Pat might actually do better work because of the lighter schedule and firmer boundaries.

Also, here’s the easiest change ever: Tweak your vocabulary. Pat doesn’t “swan out of the office”; Pat leaves work. Presumably, to do other things Pat enjoys.

In fact, Pat sounds like someone worth treating to lunch — as in, leave the office and order food and don’t talk shop — so you can find out more about working less.

DEAR CAROLYN:

To: Hamster

I had a co-worker who left work at 5 p.m. every day and it was disheartening knowing I’d be there five more hours, but he was very efficient, and I was dealing with undiagnosed ADD.

Or maybe you’re there all night to impress your bosses, in which case, they clearly prefer efficiency to face time, so just stop.
Want Carolyn Hax delivered to your inbox for free on weekdays?

DEAR CAROLYN:

To: Hamster

Spend a week doing exactly what your co-worker does: Work only normal business hours and turn off your phone when you’re not at work. See what happens. Maybe you’ll find you’re a better, more focused worker that way. Or maybe you’ll find you hate to be away from your job, in which case you’ll be better positioned to feel lucky to care so much and not resent Pat.

Anonymous

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Thanks. On that note, I’ll be swanning out.

Comments

[conuly]

Bad enough that the US has been systematically destroying worker's rights without labor buying in.

[minoanmiss]

There is this THING in [certain parts of] US culture that we're all individuals, we have no connection to each other and cannot be influenced unless we choose to be, that whatever it takes to have a job is worth it, that anyone who doesn't singlemindedly devote their lives to Work and/or Church is Morally Suspect... argh, I could rant for days. I am kind of pissed off at LW for buying into this bullshit and thus helping perpetuate it, even though I should feel sorry for LW for being so brainwashed and/or self-martyring.

[cereta]

Good old Protestant Work Ethic. Makes me glad to be Catholic.

[rosefox]

"Half five" makes me wonder whether the person is in fact in the U.S.

[conuly]

Yeah, there's that.

[rosefox]

an extremely demanding job that has always expected

Jobs don't expect things; people do. Who told you that was the expectation? Was it your boss stating a policy, or a coworker informally suggesting this was how it should be done? Is that person still there, still setting policy?

If all that uncompensated time isn't required, the LW's manager should certainly have taken them aside and said, "It looks to me like you're working way harder than you need to be. What's up with that?" Unequal treatment of workers is certain to breed resentment like this. But if that hasn't happened, the LW should go to their manager and check in about what the actual expectations are. Maybe they're really different from what the LW thinks.

[mommy]

A part of me thinks this is a parody letter. The rest of me is aware that there are people who really do devote themselves so totally to their job that they lose all perspective on what a viable work ethic really looks like. It's one thing to occasionally check emails while off the clock, work late, or work through lunch. It's another to do those things consistently.

[lemonsharks]

"uncompensated work on the weekends"

PRETTY SURE that this is E
HELLA ILLEGAL, LW.

[cereta]

Depends. All of my spouse's jobs have been exempt, which at the time, at least, meant they could work him to death with no overtime pay. He thinks the laws may changed, but his current job only gives "comp time," which is extra time off that doesn't come out of vacation time. Which sounds lovely, unless you have too much work to take that time.

[seperis]

My job's also exempt; we get comp time or time and a half if we go over forty hours. Fortunately with the state, because there's a use-it-or-lose-it for plain comp after x amount of time has passed (though the time limit was like two or three years, so you had a while), it's unofficial policy to make sure it's used and managers and supervisors watch for that in leave balances and have called people in to get them to schedule a long weekend or something to get rid of it. And they're serious about it; when I was a caseworker, one guy took off a week every month for almost a year to burn out his before they finally instituted an option to have comp time earned in a month paid out instead of banked, and early in my time in testing, one woman took a lot of four day weekends.

[ayebydan]

I am very suspicious of this letter.

Pat is a great example. Follow it.

There are piles of studies that show the Europeans that work less in terms of hours get most done. UK workers, for example, spend hours running in circles to achieve far less than our French counterparts who stare over the sea like....'what...what are you doing?'

Brains need a break.

It sounds like Pat is an efficient worker and LW is not and is bitter about it. Makes me wonder about the manager though. Are the rest of the workers more like LW or Pat? If they are all like LW maybe they need to get them together and work out why it is taking them so long to get shit done.

Also, this bs mentality of working for free seems very US and I will never understand it. It is illegal here. But then, I see US workers thank their bosses for sacking them and wish them well as they 'can't be afforded' while understanding their higher bosses getting pay rises. It boggles my mind.

[seperis]

"Work to live" is what my parents told me years ago and what I tell my son. And while yes, avoid work you hate, look for something you like and can do. Making your job into your life isn't just unhealthy and a fast way to burn out; it makes you hate what you love. Speaking practically, job as life also rarely results in very good work.

As someone who worked in social services as a caseworker and now does tech work on the programs social service uses, the most important thing I learned is the difference between when long hours were what the work genuinely needed to get done and when it was my feelings making that call. My feelings are unaware that passionate sleep deprivation is terrible for extremely detailed analysis of design documents to create dozens of extremely detailed test scenarios to make sure a program serving the public actually works. My feelings are oblivious to how I need a clear, fresh, undistracted mind so I don't miss a scenario that could have caught the flaw that leads people unable to get food or go to the doctor.

A person's life's work is to be a person, whole and entire; your job is only one part of that. Trying to make it everything just means you'll end up being bad at both working and living.

[monanotlisa]

I love this exchange. (Undoubtedly there are people think of me at work this way, and THAT'S FINE. :)

[dragoness_e]

I don't get why people are suspicious of this letter. Yes, there are people who are that brainwashed about the importance of being "a team player". There are women who have been taught from day one that they have to twice as good and productive as male employees to be taken seriously. There are non-profit charities who have been caught being just as bad to their employees as any Wal-Mart manager. This is entirely believable.

Pat is setting a damn good example: work to live, don't live to work, and as long as there are bills to pay, don't work for free.