Dear Abby: Granddad is a dirty old man

[cereta]

DEAR ABBY: The other day at my in-laws', my mother-in-law, father-in-law, "Bert," and I were in their computer room. Bert has pictures of his family posted on his bulletin board and we often look at them when we're in the room.

One of the photos he posted recently I found disturbing. It was of a young, well-endowed woman in her early 20s wearing a tight tube top. What disturbed me was that Bert has printed my 16-year-old daughter's name underneath and the date "2017." When I asked him about it, he said that was what she will look like at 21. My mother-in-law said she thought it was crude, and I think it's unnerving for a grandfather to be picturing his only granddaughter in such a manner.

We have a great family life and I wouldn't want that to end over a picture, but I don't want to look at it, and I don't think this is behavior that's expected from a man in his 60s.

How should I broach the subject that the photo needs to come down? -- CONCERNED FATHER FROM GREAT LAKES

DEAR CONCERNED FATHER: Grandpa "Bert" appears to be a dirty old man. I'm not sure "you" should talk to him about this. It would have more impact if you, your wife and your mother-in-law do it together. When you do, tell him that putting your daughter's name under the picture was in poor taste and you all want the picture with your daughter's name shredded. (That way you're sure it's gone.)

Privately, your wife should ask your daughter if Grandpa Bert has ever done anything that made her uncomfortable. If the answer is yes, confront him. If not, explain your concerns to your daughter, tell her you and your wife love her, and she can always come to you with any concerns of her own.

Comments

(frozen comment)

[cereta]

I...that...

All I can say is that I would not bet this morning's coffee that this was all that was going on. And I don't just mean granddaughter. I mean LW's wife, too.

[azurelunatic]

Augh. Augh.

[annotated_em]

Wait, "explain your concerns" and tell the daughter she "can always come to you with any concerns of her own"? WTF?

[ngakmafaery]

...I think Dear Abby tried: if she comes out and says he's very likely a friggin pedophile with insane family-oriented lusts and whathaveyou and that there may be so much more to be uncovered, then everyone would write to her and say she overreacted...to me, she said 1) all the grownups needed to tell the perv grandpa that it's gross, which means letting him know they are all aware of it and in theory support that it's bad (so if the wife of the perv had been downtrodden forever, it wouldn't just be her), and she said 2)for the mother to talk to the daughter, which is a good idea if the young woman has any communication with the mother in an open and healthy way, although it isn't always going to yield the truth, and 3) she said for the father to be supportive...to me (psychotherapist working with survivors of abuse), these are decent steps to mention in a paper, where Dear Abby can't know all details...I might have included some hotline info as well...*shrug*...you'll probably find a ton of porn on that computer, maybe of young people, but that is not mentioned either, since I think she is trying to make it okay if it's okay (EW, what part of that would be okay, even if he did it about a stranger????!!!), and to make it work out if it isn't okay...