Dear Abby: Man Retiring From The Military Deploys New Rules In Marriage

[jadelennox]

Dear Abby: My husband of 10 years is in the process of retiring from the military and is now re-evaluating procedures and policies of everything -- including our marriage. I'm trying to respect his needs in an effort to help him make sense of things. However, there are times when I feel some of his new rules are hurtful or harmful and need to be negotiated or evaluated. (By the way, in general, I do not encourage or support the idea of rules in marriage aside from fidelity; communication should be the rule in my opinion, but I digress.)

His latest rule is that I need to be covered when getting ready in the morning (It's not proper to be so comfortable naked, and if you respect me, you would do as I ask). He said he thinks I look amazing now, but then he added: Think about when you are your grandmother's age; you won't be pleasant to look at.

As his partner, I feel we should make each other feel comfortable in the buff, and it's harmful to ask our partner to cover up for any reason in the sanctity of our home. We have no children and live alone, and I have always gotten ready in the mornings this way, behind closed doors, where no one but my husband can see me. Abby, can you guide us to resolution on this matter? -- NOTHING TO HIDE IN GEORGIA

Dear Nothing: As a military man, your husband is used to rules and structure, which are necessary in that environment. This, however, is civilian life. Before allowing him to make any more rules or institute a change in dress code (undress code), allow me to guide you directly to the office of a licensed marriage counselor because, unless there is something you have omitted from your letter, your husband is a mile off base.

Comments

[delight]

unless there is something you have omitted from your letter, your husband is a mile off base.

This is both true and well-phrased. And the only part of this i am touching besides making 'augh' noises. It's possible the husband is really just having trouble adjusting and not an asshole, but he might also be a flaming asshole.

[ayebydan]

I genuinely believe that soldiers do not get enough help to adjust back to civilian life. But that is no excuse to be an arse which is what is happening here. If he won't change or go to counselling then this lady needs to get the hell out because she is absolutely right....she should be comfortable being naked in her own home around her husband.

[rosefox]

It's not proper to be so comfortable naked, and if you respect me, you would do as I ask

Wow, there sure is a lot of baggage right there.

Counseling is absolutely the way to go, and the LW's husband should probably get individual therapy as well.

[lilysea]

He said he thinks I look amazing now, but then he added: Think about when you are your grandmother's age; you won't be pleasant to look at.

This is a HORRIBLE thing to say to a person that you are in a sexual relationship with.

Way to feed someone's insecurities! :(

[conuly]

He said he thinks I look amazing now, but then he added: Think about when you are your grandmother's age; you won't be pleasant to look at.

Wow, rude!