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Dear Abby: Mom read my diary
DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl who accidentally left my diary on the counter and my mother read it. When she told me, I was disappointed and hurt. To me, a diary is a place I can escape to and feel comfortable just being me. She now knows I struggle with depression and have done things I'm not proud of. I was angry and expected an apology because it was a violation of my privacy.
She claims she had the right to read it because I left it on the counter, and if I didn't want her to see it, I shouldn't have left it there. Regardless of where my diary was, I don't feel she had the right to go through it because it's not hers.
I told her I want an apology and I am willing to rebuild that trust. My mom said there is no reason to rebuild it or to apologize, and she did nothing wrong. Am I wrong for wanting an apology and a better explanation for why she did it? -- DISAPPOINTED DAUGHTER
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Your mother read your diary because it was out in the open and she was curious. Does she owe you an apology? Perhaps. However, if her level of communication with you is so poor that you live under the same roof and she hasn't noticed your struggle with depression -- whether situational or chronic -- and offered to help you find help for it, then what happened may have been a blessing. What you need with her is a closer relationship, not a combative one. Her job as a parent is to help you, and that includes teaching you to make the right choices.
She claims she had the right to read it because I left it on the counter, and if I didn't want her to see it, I shouldn't have left it there. Regardless of where my diary was, I don't feel she had the right to go through it because it's not hers.
I told her I want an apology and I am willing to rebuild that trust. My mom said there is no reason to rebuild it or to apologize, and she did nothing wrong. Am I wrong for wanting an apology and a better explanation for why she did it? -- DISAPPOINTED DAUGHTER
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Your mother read your diary because it was out in the open and she was curious. Does she owe you an apology? Perhaps. However, if her level of communication with you is so poor that you live under the same roof and she hasn't noticed your struggle with depression -- whether situational or chronic -- and offered to help you find help for it, then what happened may have been a blessing. What you need with her is a closer relationship, not a combative one. Her job as a parent is to help you, and that includes teaching you to make the right choices.
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Oh, FUCK, no. She definitely owes you an apology. Being curious is not a good enough reason to read someone's diary, and the idea that if someone doesn't take steps to have their privacy protected, they deserve to have it violated is what nearly gave me an ulcer during my adolescence (admittedly, because my family seemed to believe that a notebook merely existing in the house, no matter where I tried to hide it, meant it was fair game).
People who don't write really don't understand what the letter writer says about a diary being "place I can escape to and feel comfortable just being me." Nor do they understand how horrifying it is to have that violated. As a parent, I won't say there aren't circumstances under which I might do it, but unless the letter writer's situation is much, much worse than she is portraying is, this would not be one, and certainly not Abby's cavalier "it was out in the open and she was curious."
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