Everything in your letter screams "downplaying." Your husband is a "diamond in the rough," he gets "loud and fast to correct" when parents aren't around? I suspect that what your children see is a grouch with a quick temper who yells at their kids at the first sign of imperfect behavior. I wouldn't want my kid around him, either. You say they haven't offered alternative solutions; have you? Have you ever in your marriage tried to get your husband to change his behavior? Or do you just expect your children to accept it?