Annie's Mailbox: My sister overtips

[cereta]

Dear Annie: My sister always leaves big tips -- like $5 for a cup of coffee. She also is overly generous in other ways. She gave our teenage niece several pairs of expensive boots and was furious when the girl then sold them on eBay.

Six years ago, my sister let her house go to mold. When the local police began asking about her, I stepped in and found someone willing to buy her home and rehab it. She has since lived in an extended-stay hotel and is now on anti-depressants.

I recently met her for lunch. We both ordered soup for a total of $8. I left a 20 percent tip, but as I was walking out the door, I caught her checking out my tip and then adding to it. She brags about her big tips. Frankly, I don't want to meet up with her anymore. How should I handle this? -- Indy

Dear Indy: Has your sister been screened to see if she is bipolar? Her anti-depressant may not be adequate. We know her behavior is irritating, but please don't cut her off over this. It is a minor annoyance to you if she overtips, but your presence may be a major source of support for her.

Comments

[cereta]

Here is what I am reading: "Dear Annie, My sister's house is burning down. How do I get her to stop blaring her radio at night?"

Look, I say this as a chronic overtipper (I've been known to tip over 50% on super-small checks - like $8 for breakfast - because I figure I am taking a table which could have been earning the server server could be making serious bank if it were seating four instead of just me): tipping is really, really not the issue, here. The issue is your sister's mental health. That should be your focus, here.

[torachan]

I don't understand this at all. How does the tipping have anything to do with the other stuff? I also don't understand why the LW or the answer think that leaving a large tip is so horrible, and tbh they're the ones who sound awful, not the LW. Like, God forbid those lowpaid workers get a little extra money, what?

[lilysea]

I understood it as LW is not saying that large tips are *inherently* bad for everyone who gives large tips,

but that LW is concerned that the sister is tipping so generously that the sister may not be able to meet her basic needs (especially if the sister is unable to work due to mental illness and is on a Disability Pension)

[the_rck]

This!

[the_rck]

Reading the letter, I think the real issue for the LW is feeling put upon by a long list of things their sister has needed help with (note that the LW didn't step in on the house issue until the police became involved and that nobody suggested returning those several pairs of expensive boots and putting the money back into paying for the sister's expenses).

The LW doesn't want to spend time with their sister, and I really, really don't think that over-tipping is anything but a very ragged fig leaf of an excuse for walking away and not putting themself out to help on the bigger and more difficult stuff.

If the family is in the US, it would be extremely easy for the LW (or for someone completely unrelated to the family) to take legal control of the sister's finances without her consent. (Last Week Tonight did an episode on this. As with most of their segments, I only recommend watching if you have the mental/emotional resources to be horrified by human behavior.)

[mommy]

I agree. The tipping seems quite reasonable. The rest is a problem.