I find Carolyn's perspective pretty bizarre and unsympathetic here. People have to accept nicknames because affection? Uh, no.
At least we're all in agreement that if/when the kid has an opinion on this, theirs should be the deciding vote. But I don't actually think it's unreasonable at all to ask someone not to use a nickname you hate for your kid. Not because the kid will be confused or because of other kids or whatever, but because you hate it.
Sure, maybe LW dislikes Linda. And maybe there's a reason for that.
I have actually made requests of this type to people before: "Can you please not do [thing] around me? It drives me nuts. I get that this is a random personal quirk you are not Officially Obligated to respect, but do you really want me to be thinking about how much I hate [thing] every time we interact? I would like to interact with you without that distraction! Can you help me out here?"
If someone were to continue blithely doing [thing] with no sign of regret over the distress they are causing me... well, it doesn't mean they're an Evil Person who should be Eternally Condemned, but it is strong evidence that they don't give a shit about how I feel when we interact. Which is not going to make me like them.
So I think I'm seeing a reverse of the causal relationship others are - rather than "LW is freaking out about the nickname because LW dislikes Linda," I'm getting a vibe of "Linda is using the nickname(s) as a way to show her disdain for LW and possibly as a family power play, and this drives LW completely nuts. It probably was a much more minor issue before it became about Who Has to Respect and Defer to Whom RE: The Baby." Which is a super common point of conflict between parents and grandparents.
Also LW offers silly excuses because they (I'm getting a strong vibe of "she" but it doesn't say) have been socialized to believe that "I hate that and want you to stop" is insufficient and impolite. There has to be an external, "objective" reason. There really doesn't. You're allowed to hate a nickname Just Because and you're allowed to say so.
no subject
At least we're all in agreement that if/when the kid has an opinion on this, theirs should be the deciding vote. But I don't actually think it's unreasonable at all to ask someone not to use a nickname you hate for your kid. Not because the kid will be confused or because of other kids or whatever, but because you hate it.
Sure, maybe LW dislikes Linda. And maybe there's a reason for that.
I have actually made requests of this type to people before: "Can you please not do [thing] around me? It drives me nuts. I get that this is a random personal quirk you are not Officially Obligated to respect, but do you really want me to be thinking about how much I hate [thing] every time we interact? I would like to interact with you without that distraction! Can you help me out here?"
If someone were to continue blithely doing [thing] with no sign of regret over the distress they are causing me... well, it doesn't mean they're an Evil Person who should be Eternally Condemned, but it is strong evidence that they don't give a shit about how I feel when we interact. Which is not going to make me like them.
So I think I'm seeing a reverse of the causal relationship others are - rather than "LW is freaking out about the nickname because LW dislikes Linda," I'm getting a vibe of "Linda is using the nickname(s) as a way to show her disdain for LW and possibly as a family power play, and this drives LW completely nuts. It probably was a much more minor issue before it became about Who Has to Respect and Defer to Whom RE: The Baby." Which is a super common point of conflict between parents and grandparents.
Also LW offers silly excuses because they (I'm getting a strong vibe of "she" but it doesn't say) have been socialized to believe that "I hate that and want you to stop" is insufficient and impolite. There has to be an external, "objective" reason. There really doesn't. You're allowed to hate a nickname Just Because and you're allowed to say so.