Dear Miss Manners: Colleague’s Donation Request Feels More Like Extortion

[lilysea]

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A work colleague has posed that we give an impromptu holiday gift to a cleaning staff member in our building. The “minimum donation” is far above what any of us at work feels comfortable giving.

One of us politely let him know that his request borders on extortion, especially given the aggressive nature in which he posed his request (e.g., threats that non-participants will be labeled “anti-immigrant” and “anti-Christmas”).

I don’t disagree with my colleague’s impulse to be generous in the holiday season, but I’m deeply disturbed that he’s perhaps using this act as a way to demonstrate his leadership skills and power in the office.

I’m wondering if there’s an alternate way to express our gratitude to the cleaning staff, rather than through large sums of money.

GENTLE READER: Gratitude to employees is best expressed with money, although the amount must be determined by each contributor.

But Miss Manners assures you that you needn’t worry about your colleague’s leadership skills -- he doesn’t have any. Issuing bills and adding threats is no way to lead people. And to remove any sense of power, you need only ignore this and contribute what you see fit.

Comments

[lilysea]

The EMPLOYEES of the business, who receive a salary or an hourly wage, should not be responsible for paying for a holiday gift for other EMPLOYEES/contractors (the cleaners.)

That should be the employers responsibility!

[watersword]

Why is only one member of the cleaning staff getting this gift?

[minoanmiss]

whups, I put my comment in the wrong place. Anyway, I thought maybe they were the one assigned to this particular office.

[jadelennox]

I do agree with Miss Manners 100% that gratitude to employees is best expressed with money. Parties, cookies, and silly plaques are much less useful.

But I also agree with Miss Manners that extortionate demands that coworkers give their colleagues a gift are always terrible, even when more subtle than this, like passing around an envelope to buy a shower present for somebody who is getting married or having a baby. Employers can give bonuses, and colleagues can give gifts, but this group coworker present is always terrible and I am always angry when I am part of an office that does them.

[xenacryst]

Also, giving gifts to the cleaning staff is something that puts me into a damned if you do/damned if you don't situation with regards to the inherent classism: if you don't you're bowing to this colleague's implication that you're anti-immigrant or otherwise disrespecting of the status of the cleaning staff, and if you do, it feels to me like a special group calling out, where the "regular" employees are saying "yes we appreciate you, too (even though you're clearly not doing the important work here, but no really your work is important, but, you know, just not as important as our work, but no, you rock...)"

I'm no HR expert, but I bet this is part of why extra compensation (and public recognition) is based on performance, either of the individual or of the group, and special treats are either provided by the company to everyone (or everyone within a division) or limited to signing a card or something of insignificant value applied to everyone equally (like, say, a secret Santa gift exchange).

And this does actually trip my HR alarm bells - most of the HR departments I've encountered tend to look unfavorably on monetary requests that can be construed to be run by the company, and coercive ones are a big no-no.

[kindkit]

I think it's possible that the cleaning staff member doesn't actually work for the same company as the letter writer. In a lot of places, cleaning duties are contracted out. If that's the case, a monetary gift doesn't seem inappropriate to me. (The worker who's going around demanding huge contributions is out of line, though.)

[lilysea]

Even if the cleaning services are contracted out,

any monetary gift(s) to the cleaners should be coming from the business owner / business manager,

not from the rank and file employees...